I haven't felt like "ME" for so long I wonder if I'm even still in there.

For Documentation

My little girl, 4 years old, reminded me again tonight for like the 100th time,

"Mom, I sleep with my eyes open!"

when I told her to close her eyes and go to sleep. I think she really believes this is true. Perhaps it is, who am I to argue with a four year old?

Pumpkin Rolls

I don't have many absolutely Grrrrrreat recipes, but as I was engaged today in making my annual pumpkin rolls, I thought - "now this is one of my few awesome recipes", and so decided I'd share it with you all just in case you're dying for something that will become a tradition in your family. Seriously, there's not one single holiday occasion that this dessert isn't included in. And it's way easier than it might look - really. You know me, I'm just not that gifted in the kitchen.

Here goes:

Pumpkin Roll

Batter:
3 eggs
1 cup sugar
1 tsp lemon juice
2/3 cup pumpkin
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
2 tsp cinnamon
½ tsp nutmeg
1 tsp ginger
½ tsp salt

Beat eggs for 5 minutes. Add sugar, lemon juice and pumpkin. Mix. Add dry ingredients and mix until wet. Line a 11”x16” jelly roll or cookie sheet with waxed paper sprayed with non-stick (this year I used thick tin foil but the non-stick is equally important - the tin foil is my favorite option so far). Pour batter onto paper and smooth until even right up to the edges. Bake at 375˚ for appx. 15 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. Let cool.

Can you see how the cake is lifting from the tin foil? That is a very good sign - meaning it will separate from foil well as it rolls up.

Filling:

1 8oz pkg cream cheese

1 cup powdered sugar

4 Tbs. butter

1 tsp vanilla

For filling, cream all together in mixer.

Spread evenly over the top of the cooled cake. Starting at the short end (11” end), start rolling cake, removing paper as you roll. This can be tricky but the best way is to hold the foil/paper with both hands to start the first roll or two and then turn the whole thing around to face you and roll the whole thing as one piece with both hands trying to keep it uniform as you go. It sounds harder than it is! If you see cracking like you can see on my roll, just try to hold the crack together and roll over it. It happens occasionally but only slightly if you've non-sticked your paper really good.

When rolled up, cut off ends until smooth. Cut in half, and wrap in cellophane.

Makes appx. (2) 7” pumpkin rolls.

The Witches Are Better

SP, my mother and I hit Gardner Village this morning to check out the elves. It was a beautiful, and not too cold morning and we had a great time checking out all of the elf exhibits.


I'm not sure why but it seems like the witches are better. Perhaps it's the cooling weather and change of seasons, the anticipation of the first "holiday" of The Holidays, or that they are truly just better - but the elves left me feeling a little ...I don't know - wanting???

But, who can complain right? It's free to walk around and look at them, take some pictures and enjoy the fresh air. All in all, I'm glad Gardner Village does up their seasons so spectacularly.

Gardner Village in December

For my Utah readers...

There's lots of fun stuff happening at Gardner Village in December. We're headed there to check out the elves this week. They do them similar to the fashion that they arranged the witches at Halloween.

There's an elf scavenger hunt with a prize, photos with Santa, rides with Mrs. Claus, a cocoa party for kids and the list goes on. Go here to check out a list of fun stuff you can go do with your kids...or date-night!

Family Christmas

My side of the family usually does a get-together dinner a few weeks early each year to sort of get it out of the way. It sounds sort of bad but it works. We had the get-together last night. We went to Tuscany - a fairly nice Italian restaurant in Salt Lake. For the first time I was disappointed in our dinner.

We had a large group and I had specifically reserved a large round table. When we got there, we'd been inadvertently been booted for a larger party, and no one had called me. I made a stink about it of course and probably got some spit in my meal as a result. At least that's what The Marshmallow projected.

The calamari tasted like undercooked fries. The menu didn't have a great deal of selection.

However, the sea bass was incredible! And that was the highpoint.

On another note, I'm sick now for like the 4th day in a row. I think it is now officially bronchitis - I get it very easily. A tiny little cold inevitably goes straight to my lungs, and the asthma didn't help me a bit. I'm probably on the tail end of it which is good because my weeks are busy and right now being pregnant is all I can really handle.

Sorry no pics of our family dinner - I was lazy.

Decorating Christmas

This was the first year SP actually was able to put decorations on the tree herself. The Marshmallow put the hooks on, and SP toted them to the tree and hung them wherever she wanted.

Let's just say the tree was a little bottom-heavy. I only moved a few of them because I think it's adorable and very personal. I love the way her tongue stuck out whenever she was really concentrating on putting the ornament in the exact place.

An Un-made Bed

Why does an un-made bed look so much more appealing than a made bed? I typically always make my bed but on days like today when I don't, if I so much as glimpse the blankets and pillows in mass array, it's like an invitation for more coziness - something I can hardly resist.

Am I the only one who feels like this about their un-made bed?

Homemade Ice Cream: I'm a Hero

We had a little Family Home Evening time ... this afternoon mainly because I've been procrastinating and finally decided I shouldn't put it off anymore.

Our activity at the end was homemade ice cream, something I've never done before. But it was a lot of fun and a huge success. We made Oreo ice cream and it seriously came out just like one of those Oreo Frosty's at Wendy's or McDonald's. It was so yummy!

So What? I'm Easily Distracted

So, where have I been lately that's caused me not to blog? Scrabbling. I'm a hopeless junkie and have been for years.

When I graduated from the U of U, I got my first Scrabble board game from my older sister, Renee, and even though I'd always loved the game, I was soon completely addicted, and could be found playing against myself (you know, rotating the board each turn just to have an opponent). Since then I've purchased several software versions. And, for the past two weeks, I've been scrabbling each night, late into the night, against the computer (and might I add, beating Mavin every single time!)

I'm ready to branch out though, I think. I know there are tons of on-line games going on all of the time where you can play actual people! People that actually WANT to play Scrabble, and don't just feel coerced into playing because I'm begging and crying. No one in my life likes to play except my little sister and since she lives in Idaho, I don't get to play her much. I thought that since she was an English major, she'd have kicked my butt - but no. I'd been practicing! I'm not sure she'd play me anymore though. I hope so!

So, if anyone out there is up for a great game of Scrabble and would like to play against me (a player who can sort of hold her own), then I welcome you to an online game - anytime!

Happy Thanksgiving & Black Friday Ramblings

So...Happy Thanksgiving! It was the in-law's turn for Thanksgiving so off we went on Wednesday evening to the remote town of The Marshmallow's youth where about 25 of our family converged for a chaotic if cozy Thanksgiving dinner. It was fun, I grudgingly concede!

I was invited by my sister-in-law to participate in Black Friday this morning. After reviewing the ads, and reminiscing about the nightmare Black Friday of last year, I decided against it. I mean really, who gives TV's and other expensive electronics for Christmas? I guess there are lots of people who do but I usually shop those sales when I'm waiting for a great sale on that stuff for our family. And honestly, the economy has not been kind to this family this year and there just isn't a great deal to spend on superfluous stuff so I just stayed in bed.

Black Friday has become increasingly crazier every year. I remember years ago it was frenzied but it wasn't insane like it has become. Last year, we stood in a line at ShopKo for over an hour, and then I may have blogged about the Toys R Us scheme/scandal that occurred that really soured me against going out anymore. The online deals are nearly just as good and can be accessed from the comfort of my own home at a more sane hour. If I do go next year, it'll be only to maybe 1 or 2 stores and will be a "just for fun" type thing instead of a "do or die" shop extravaganza like it's been in the past.

The Deed is Done and I Couldn't Be Happier

This year Renee (my sister) and I upped the amount of caramel popcorn that we decided to make. Last year I thought we made a ton but this year we surpassed even our own expectations.

10:00 begin - "This is going to be so great!"
12:00 - "This is fun!"
1:00 - "We work so well together; it's like being double!"
2:00 - "We have how many batches left to make?"
3:00 - "Who said this was fun?"
4:00 - "Who's getting all this freakin' popcorn anyway? Isn't there someone we can take off the list?"

We're pretty organized about our plans and I'm glad Renee is the boss of me because after about 2:00, I became a drone. Glassy-eyed, sit my butt on a chair, useless brain-cells. She was reduced to just giving me orders. Go Renee!

At least I get to go to bed! Poor Renee has to go to work tonight too!

I USED to Love Mondays

...and now I dread them. Ever since school started, I feel like I just do non-stop running all day long.

Run the carpool kids to school
Run to work
Run through my routine at work
Run back to pick up SP
Run home to get her ready for dance
Run home to finish my paperwork to submit for my other job
Run out to pick up the carpool kids from dance
Run home and get ready for my church meeting
Run over to the meeting
Run home to get dinner started
Run to my next job...

Today was no different. Except that amidst my running, I found a few minutes to get my eyebrows waxed (yeah!), and also my upper lip that I finally let the girl talk me into. I'm to that point where I'm fishing for ways to make myself feel like the semi-attractive person I used to feel like. And now that I have no fuzz on my upper lip, I'm sure I'm going to win Mrs. America.

I also found time to run to the grocery store and buy some necessities including molasses I need for the annual marathon caramel popcorn fiesta that Renee and I are doing tomorrow. See last year? I needed 1 more jar of it and I put it in the back of the Jeep and headed home. When I got there, I opened up the door, and that stupid bottle rolled right out and smack onto the driveway. Have you ever had to clean up molasses off a cold driveway? Oh my gosh. It seriously spoiled my mojo today - I had to carve out plenty of time to get it off or else I think I'd have a hardened, condensed patch of molasses there for the rest of eternity.

And then I had to find time to get BACK to the store for more. Nice. It wasn't as bad as this picture though. Can you even imagine? After today, I just shudder.

It's Truly a Miracle

I had mounds of trepidation upon pulling out the bags of Christmas lights today. Flashbacks of the past three years compelled me to nearly take Valium prior to this monumental task which lay ahead of me for the rest of the afternoon.

Last year, I had neatly coiled up all of the lights separately in bags with their hangers still attached, which I've now learned is a very smart thing to do.

My memory served me well in what "to do" and "NOT to do". I did one string at a time, inside. Laid them out, tightened the bulbs, attached broken hangers and made sure they were all working bulbs. Then, and only then did I even go outside.

Each string went up as if I were a pro. I felt exonerated in my abilities as they each bulb attached neatly and quickly. The whole task was done in under an hour. Amazing!

I did have to climb up on the roof one time which, had there been a video, would have been worthy of sending to America's Funniest Home Videos - mostly me getting down. My belly's big and I had to sort of lay on it and shimmy around until I could get my feet on the ladder. I wasn't scared but it was definitely needing my intense concentration and all of my balancing faculties.

Anyhoo, the job's done - and I'm glad of it.

Christmas Lights

For those of you who were around last year reading my blog, you'll remember the fiasco I had with them.

I got them up last year while the weather was still really nice and then they were there just waiting for the day after Thanksgiving when I personally feel it's acceptable to finally turn them on without making a spectacle of yourself to your neighbors.

I've had so much on my "to-do" list lately and lights are one of them. I really need to do it before I get so top-heavy that the task is a dangerous one. Since I'm NOT doing the runway lighting I did last year, it shouldn't take as long as last year (!), so hopefully I can bang it out tomorrow morning.

I hope to report success!

Circus Animal Cookies

Bankrupt. Yeah, that's right. They're gone. If you like them, you'd better stock up! Are you as sad as me?

Sorry Oh, Hey! It was worthy of repeating!

Now What

The doc just called and told me to check out Salt Lake Regional.

I. don't. think. so.

Looks like a change of doctors is in my future.

Just Perfect

A friend cautioned me to check LDS Hospital to make sure they took my insurance. I was pretty cavalier about it but called anyway. um...they don't. CRAP!

I can't deliver at Lakeview Hospital, my preference, because of I've had a C-section and now since I want to try VBAC, they're too small to handle that serious of an emergency should I rupture or something. TMI? Sorry.

I can go to the University Hospital or St. Mark's - both of which are at least a 20 minute drive which could be worse but really sucks when you're in labor.

I know St. Mark's has a great new Women's Center but I have no idea about what the U is like. I've worked at both of them on a limited basis but as a patient, I have no first-hand knowledge.

So...again - your opinions would be of use to me. Do they both have private rooms? How are the nurses? Do you wait a ton of time for your call-light to get answered? How cost-effective are they comparatively?

Thank you!

Jealous?

I Finally Got It!

Yeah! I finally was able to buy my grain grinder! I've been waiting for a long time but finally got the one I wanted at a price that seems reasonable to me.

And now I can start using my vast supply of wheat berries which is mainly the point of having them in the first place!

I've been enjoying so much the kitchen classes on wheat and wheat bread that our local Ace Hardware puts on. For the most part, they are free and you often get a 10% coupon off of whatever you buy that day which is actually how I got the grinder at such an affordable price ($225, normally $300 for those with inquiring minds).

I have acquired several really good wheat bread recipes through these classes and am making my very first loaves with freshly ground wheat right this very minute. I'm so excited - I just preheated the oven.

The smell of fresh bread will soon be wafting through my whole house - come on, there's just nothing better, is there?

Diapers

Hey, does anyone have anything good, bad or otherwise to say about Kirkland diapers?

A Cat's Vacation

I sent the cat on a 3 month sabbatical to my grandma's house to ease my allergies a bit. I haven't updated this blog with my myriad problems related to the cat but let me tell you, they aren't a few. And the slew of medications I am "supposed" to be on to alleviate my problems ... well let me just put it this way - I'm not for them.

So the cat's been sent away as of about 4 days ago and SP and and I went to visit him this evening. He seemed so happy to see SP, and we were both happy to see that he was well taken care of, and appeared to be quite content. He's in a true cat-lover's home and will likely put up a fight when we want to bring him home.

Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

What are you going to do with all the pumpkins you have hanging around that you didn't carve?

Last year, I pureed them all up and canned the fruit. I'm not sure I'll do that this year because although it wasn't a huge amount of work, it was a process that I'm not sure I want to endure again this year. Perhaps I'll use them in my pumpkin pies at Thanksgiving though - and some pumpkin custard, which is a favorite of mine.

But today, we made roasted pumpkin seeds. There are loads of recipes out there for these using a variety of different ingredients. Our favorite is this:

Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

2 cups pumpkin seeds (preferably dried overnight)
1 1/4 tsp worchestershire sauce
1 tbsp melted butter
1 1/4 tsp salt

Spray a baking sheet with non-stick spray (important!). Combine seeds with other ingredients and mix well. Spread the seeds onto a single layer on the baking sheet and put into a preheated oven at 250 degrees. In my convection oven with the setting on "roast" it took only an hour. It may only take slightly longer if you dry the seeds over night. If they are wet from the pumpkin, it may take as long as 2 1/2 hours. They're done when they're dry and crunchy.

Voting - Check!

In case you were wondering (and live right around me), the voting booth in our district was completely without lines as of about 30 minutes ago. Lucky me!

So that's done, and whew - it wasn't a huge process. Now the waiting begins.

Going to Vote

It's 9am and I have plans to go over to the elementary school this morning some time to vote. I have a few things I need to do before I go but I'm pretty worried about the line. Plus, the weather's miserable. It's raining/snowing and I was hoping I could just walk over there so I don't have to figure out where to park. It's looking like walking might be out of the question, especially since I'll be taking the tike with me.

I hope everyone has either already voted (like I should have) or plans to get some time to do it today.

Day 1 Down

I've not had a particle of sugar today and the craving didn't really hit hard until around 5pm.

I made SP put all of her Halloween candy in her bag...in her room where I couldn't see it. She's a very pretty good kid and won't eat it unless she asks so I don't worry about it being in there.I dumped out a 1/2 pan of brownies, threw out the twizzlers and put the bowl of M&M's away so I couldn't see them anymore.

I'm still jonesing pretty bad but I'm also dead tired so if I had to choose between a Twix and my pillow, my pillow is going to win.

How long is it going to be hard like this? A week, two? #$%^%$

Cross Your Fingers

Starting 6am tomorrow, I am done with sugar. That is my vow.

How Times Have Changed

In years past when SP has been gone over night to a grandma's house or otherwise, it has been literally party-time for mom. I had lists and lists of things I would do if I had the chance and take advantage of the time, I surely did. Everything from movies, to dinner with friends to hanging out at the bookstore - stuff you can't do with a toddler-in-tow.

Yesterday, I dropped SP over at my mom's for a "grandma-halloween-extravaganza" and she stayed the night. She won't come home until later this afternoon.

Would you like to know what I've done since she's been gone?

1) Yardwork: yee-haw, I could have done that while she was here but it had to be done

2) ok - I went on a much-needed dinner-date with The Marshmallow and had a fantastic time. Makes me remember why I married the man to begin with. I sure like him.

3) Went to bed early so I could ...

4) Go to work this morning at 6am (no, I didn't even SLEEP IN! Am I nuts or what?) and have been working since.

So see? I've not really done anything on my list of "get the kid out of here and let's have some fun" - except have a date.

I guess that means she's finally reached an age where I don't feel like she limits me much anymore and that's a great thing! Just in time to have another baby!

Have you ever been standing in the bookstore or the library wondering how in the heck you're going to find a book worth reading? There's no fool proof way of finding a fantastic book merely by looking at covers and reading the flaps. Believe me, I've done it millions of times and more often than not, ended up with a total dud.

Those days are OVER though, my friends. I'm here to plug GoodReads, a fantastic new internet site (well, I'm not actually sure how new it is, but it's relatively new to me) that lets you rank all the books you've ever read and share them with your friends.

You'll find out pretty quickly which of your friends share your interests in books by just reading through the lists of books they've liked/disliked. And then, when you are headed to get a book, just look at their list and choose one they loved - chances are, you're going to pick a winner.

I like that I can access GoodReads from the library because if I happen to have forgotten to find out a book I want to get, I can just hop on the internet and look it up while I'm there!

No paid advertising here - just a heck of a good idea!

p.s. there's a widget on the left that links to my GoodReads page!

Grouchy

I just can't get over it. I just don't remember feeling like this day after day when I was pregnant with Natalie. It's so weird.

Not a second goes by, especially after noon, when I am not irritable, short, impatient and intolerant, and don't think for a minute that I don't let my family know I'm on one - THEY KNOW. It's mainly the incessant chatter of my 4-year old that makes me want to rip my hair out and cram it down her throat. But even my incredibly patient and long-suffering husband drives me insane half the time, and he's the one who gladly tries to take my burdens when he walks through the door.

I pray nightly for more patience, to feel better so that I'm not so snappish so I'd hate to see what I'd be like without the blessings I'm undoubtedly receiving for doing what the Lord wants me to do (yeah, I really wanted to do it too, but it's a lot because I knew he wanted me to have another child). I'm too selfish to voluntarily do really hard things without a little protest.

The Marshmallow would tease me that my last pregnancy was hard on him - well by the time this is over, he will absolutely be a saint for putting up with my grumpy personality for the next 3 1/2 months.

4 Year Old Independence

As you know, I live on a very busy street which was recently made only slightly better by the addition of a sidewalk last summer. Unfortunately the sidewalk doesn't wrap around to other streets so it's not like it's any safer for a four year old to go walking to a friend's house on it.

SP has a couple of friends she frequently plays with on the street directly behind us. But because of the safety issue, we always have to load the kids into the car to deliver them for playing, and it's a huge pain.

Fortunately we have a little walkway behind my house between the fences of the homes that leads out to the street behind us. But in the years since it's been used, it's grown over with grapevines and all sorts of other vines. I decided today to clean it out to allow SP some independence in going over to her friends' houses without me having to go with her all the time.

It took me two hours, and I'm exhausted now but it was so worth it to see her truckin' through the path over to her friend's house to see if she could play. I can hear her saying many times in the future months, "Mom, can I go see if ________ can play?"

The worst part though is she has to cross that neighborhood road all by herself and as she went today, my heart beat fast as I took a big step myself in letting her grow up. In prep for my next daughter, I've found myself making many changes to help her make steps to grow up - if not just to help me out. Changes are hard, but good.

A True Nightmare

I had the worst dream last night. It was truly a nightmare.

I have no idea what week of pregnancy I'm in, other than I'm pretty sure I'm now past the point where the baby would survive should something happen.

And in my dream, something did happen and I gave birth...to SEVEN babies!

So here I am with 3 boys, and 4 girls all about the size of dollhouse characters. Then The Marshmallow went to work and left me with them. They were all lined up on the bed sleeping and I kept losing them in the sheets. I'd count the babies and one would be missing so I'd smooth out the sheets and there would be a tiny little bump and I'd uncover a baby. I was sure it was dead but thankfully it was okay.

They slept for an entire day after they were born and after a while I figured they were probably hungry so I decided I should try to nurse them. I picked up the first boy and he opened his HUGE mouth and he had teeth! That's what woke me up - but the dream was so REAL that it just kept going even while I was wide awake lying in the dark.

I just kept thinking during the whole dream, "Now how am I ever going to give SP any attention with seven other babies?" That was my biggest stress, oh yeah - and how I was going to get seven car seats in my Jeep. Can you guess what I'm most worried about?

No Excuses

Two nights ago, my daughter was whining about something, and had been whining about it for a while. I was at my limit. It was late and I was tired. I'd had enough and really just wanted lights out and to be done being a mom for the night.

But she started to cry and whine about this stupid thing and I literally lost it. I yelled loudly and told her to shut-up. It scared her. She did shut-up, quickly. I slammed her door and went and sat in the dark for a minute and caught my breath.

I know there are parents out there who might yell at their kids and not think what I did was really all that bad, but I'm not that kind of parent. I have never yelled at my daughter in a tone like that. I hardly ever raise my voice above an impatient tone. I have never told her to shut-up. For me, that's completely unforgivable behavior for a parent.

I sat there thinking all of these things. I have made it 4 1/2 years without behaving this way. I know that pregnancy brings out all sorts of weird behavior but it's not acceptable to me to treat my daughter badly just because I'm tired and pregnant. I felt worse about my behavior than probably anything else I have ever done to her.

I went back in and held her and apologized. She actually was confused as to what I was saying sorry about and I explained to her what mommy had done wrong, and I promised I'd never say that to her again. She's old enough to get it.

I hope this isn't one of those memories she has for the rest of her life.

Random Mind Travels of the Day

• My GPS doesn't pick up the new Legacy Highway. It shows me driving through a field.
  
  
• EmilieJayne is closing their doors. 50% off all items! Sad huh?
  
  
• Why does an Ikea trip always take at least 3 hours?
  
  
• Does anybody else leave the price tags on their clothes when they leave the house by accident?
  
  
• This pregnant person in scrubs just looks like a fat person in scrubs.
  
  
• Anyone else think that Bob the Builder just needs to kiss Wendy and get it over with?
  

Change in Transportation

About 3 weeks ago, we bought a new car and traded the Tahoe in. We got a new Jeep Grand Cherokee (again) this time - our third since we've been married.

The Marshmallow has already had some bigger tires and flashy wheels put on (that took about 3 days) and he wants to tint the front windows to an illegal shade, which on one hand makes it sort of difficult to drive at night, but really makes the car look snazzy. And hey, I don't do much driving at night anyway, especially once the baby comes. To heck with all the chihuahuas poor innocent animals I mow over because I can't see 'em.

Jeeps seem to fit my body type well, and I feel really comfortable driving them. It is definitely more compact than my Tahoe which has been a little difficult getting used to, but then what did I need all that space for anyway?

Yesterday, I was able to have an iPod adapter installed in the Jeep (hooray!), something that I swore my next car would have. No sense in having such a huge music collection if I can only listen to it in my house. So far having the adapter has been so much fun. I want to just drive and drive and drive.

Anyway, that's probably the biggest news around here - my new car. I guess I wasn't REALLY excited about the new car because it was one of those "responsible adult" decisions. The Tahoe was seriously killing us in gas and so downsizing a bit helped us economically. We ate it a little on the Tahoe since we turned it in before our lease but what do you do? Our payment went down and so did our gas cost.

Learning To Use My Camera

I signed up to take some basic photography lessons from my good friend Kelly, who incidentally is going to do other sessions of this same class so if you're interested - check out her blog, or email her. Up until today, I was pretty frustrated, thinking I was never going to "get it".

Today I took SP on an outing and tried to put into affect some of what I'd learned so far. Considering I took probably about 30 pictures and I'm only really pleased with a small handful, I still consider it successful.

Here are a few "wall-worthy" ones:

The Newest News

It's so interesting the varied diagnosis you can receive when you're pregnant. I'm serious! Random diagnosis that never even entered your realm of thought before are now pinned to your medical chart - or at least your medical history (which no, they aren't necessarily the same thing).

My last pregnancy, I received the dubious honor of being lactose intolerant - and don't forget the cat allergy. Both of which only affected me while I was pregnant. Fortunately the lactose intolerance hasn't caused problems with me yet this time around. That's a miserable one folks.

Today, I was diagnosed as an asthmatic, provided with an inhaler and told that it may never go away. What?

When I was 12, I told people I had asthma so I could get out of running the obligatory mile around the playground, but of course it wasn't true. And now that I actually WANT to run the mile, I might have this stupid asthma to hold me back. Perhaps it's karma. Now wouldn't that be justice?

At 20 weeks, I can only wonder what's next. Fibromyalgia?

Productive Day, Unproductive Moments

...and yet, those unproductive moments just were SO productive as I gave back to myself a little bit of silence, and serenity.

I had a blast of "old self" today and made a huge list of "productives", and just like the former me I laid into them with zest accomplishing one after another like clockwork. The only difference is that now I need a few rests so that I don't crash (well, I did anyway but that's another story).

At a recent party, a friend gave little baby-food bottles of varied jellybellies. And I came across them in my travels. During one of my breaks, I took the little bottle into a dark room and I sat with my eyes closed eating one after another, letting my sense of taste take over. I analyzed each flavor, shutting the rest of the world out as I tried to figure out what each bean was just from taste. It was wonderful!

I discovered that my favorites were true beans themselves..."coffee", "vanilla", "chocolate" - although my favorite still is that toasted marshmallow. My least favorite tastes like baby aspirin. (orange creme or something like that).

So enjoyable did I find this quite moment to myself that I didn't even mind when eventually SP came in to break the silence by insisting I give her all of the green ones. I mean, what good's a jellybelly if you can't even share them?

I Guess I'll Come Back

I've been busy since I last posted. But rather than bore you with all I've been up to, I thought I'd just share with you a special part of today.

We went to my in-laws this weekend where I got to watch General Conference with my M-in-law, and my sister-in-law. Some of you may know that my young sister-in-law recently lost her husband in an accident, and they have very young twins. They are now 22 weeks old: a a boy and a girl. If I refer to them on my blog, I'll call them Tank and Ladybug to protect the innocent, lol.

So far, I've not managed to get the Ladybug to sleep as she's a real Mama's girl but today, she snuggled up to me and I rocked that precious little bundle off to dreamland. I got up and went to the mirror after she was asleep and there I was, holding a baby again. My belly's probably about the size it will be after I deliver so it was as if I was holding a newborn (she's pretty tiny), so the affect was sort of realistic and I looked content.

Can you tell I'm getting excited?

What I Learned in 2nd Life in 2 Days

I've been spending some time in Second Life, the virtual "game" where you create another self, and live out a life in virtual space. You can look and act however you want and no one knows who you really are, so you essentially can live out your private dreams and fantasies anonymously.

This isn't a new website. It's been around for a couple of years. I tried it out about a year ago with my old PC but my graphics card just couldn't cut it. Now, with my spiffy laptop I thought I'd try it again and this time it's way better.

So here's what I've learned about myself...and about Second Life. First, Second Life is a lot similar to Real Life (RL) in that there is a whole lot of sleazy stuff to be found easily. And I found it. The wholesome stuff is more difficult to find but if you look for it, it's also right there in front of you. Less people are interested in it. There's also a lot of commercialism, socializing and pretty much everything else you find in RL. In many ways, they overlap.

What I learned about myself is that like most people I want to check out the bad to make sure it's not for me...which I did on Day 1 - but then went to bed feeling pretty sleazy myself and not sure if I wanted to return. I did return Day 2 but decided to bypass the less desirable in favor of activities that uplifted me rather.

I also learned that even in Second Life, I wanted to be productive, have a secure home, and do something to help others. I'm trying to figure out how to do those things without wasting too much time, but there is service to be done in Second Life that will equate in RL also - it's hard to explain. I've also learned that my Second Life will mirror my RL pretty closely and that just reassures me that I'm living my dream. That's awesome!

Anyway, I've met some very nice LDS folks that make me want to return to SL many times. One of them is even going to show me where I can get free temporary housing.

Waste of time? Maybe...but then again so might blogging. What else am I going to do at 1am when I can't sleep?

I Need Ideas

For some reason I'm having a really hard time finding cute ideas for nursery decor. Now that I know I'm having a girl, I can press forward with decorating a little and figuring out what I want the baby's room to be like.

We'll be buying a new crib since The Marshmallow is sentimental about crib ownership (SP's crib belongs to SP FOREVER and EVER and EVER). I have a glider rocker that I picked up at a yard sale that needs re-covered and possibly painted.

But what I need area ideas of what would be cute and trendy for a girl. Trendy because I really do like some of the newer ideas for kids' rooms. I've looked at Pottery Barn and got a few cute ideas but when I search the internet, I just don't get much. Anyone have places I can go to view cute ideas or does anyone have a super duper idea for me?

Old Before Your Age - From Flylady

My sister came across the funniest little article the other day on Flylady and forwarded it out. I thought I'd share some of the points since there are several that many might be doing and not even realizing that we're categorizing ourselves.

Here is their list of things that you can try to avoid doing to make yourself not appear older than you actually are!

• Elastic-waist jeans (at least wear your shirt untucked), overalls
• Crocs as footwear
• Fanny packs (they will NEVER be a fashion statement!)
• Holiday sweaters
• Hosiery with sandals
• Fussy jewelry
• Senior-citizen pasty pastel colors
• Matchy-matchy outfits

I Don't Care Right Now

I'm sort of apathetic toward my blog right now. It happens to me from time to time. I'm struggling every day when I think of what to post and I just decided I just don't even care about it.

I'm not ending it but I might not post much for the next little while until I can become enthused about it again. For those of you who follow me on GoogleReader, it'll be easy to see when I've posted, and for the rest of you I hope you check in me every couple of days because who knows what I might put up.

Anyway, hope that's alright but I need a little break. I'll still be reading all of yours though!

Aw, Snap!

My 4:00 afternoon viewing goes to Ellen Degeneres vs. Oprah Winfrey, whom I don't really care for much. Ellen on the other hand is pure entertainment. Not only is she hilarious, but her dancing cracks me up.

Yesterday, she had the funniest game on her show and I literally peed my pants watching it. It takes a minute but if you're wanting to laugh, check it out. I'm thinking this looks like a fun baby shower, bridal shower, Christmas party or what have you game!

What The Realtor Said

Our realtor came back today with the good, the bad and the ugly. And for the most part it was good. The comp's she showed were pretty much what we expected and she's optimistic...and then so am I.

There's not nearly as much needing to be done to the house as I originally had anticipated. Actually just a few cosmetic things - oh, and DH wants to re-do the roof which the realtor told me might bring in an extra $10k (wow!). But seeing as DH can do it himself, it might not cost a whole lot so bonus!

Now comes the hard part because since DH works all day long, and I don't - I get the unenviable job of clearing our house of extraneous crap and storing it in a storage unit so the house looks "less full" and it can be staged better. The house is brimming with storage but you wouldn't know it since all the storage is currently being used nearly to capacity.

It makes me tired just thinking about it but then again, I'm reading the history of Emma Smith and all that she was able to accomplish during her myriad pregnancies and I'm humbled...I can move a few freakin' boxes! Geez!

Drum Roll.......

What's your Guess???

At my doctor's appointment today, I will hopefully be finding out what I'm having. I thought I'd take a poll and see what people are guessing.

Online Surveys & Market Research

Being a Teenager

This is me when I was 16. I was at Girl's Camp with my Young Women's Advisor, who incidentally was like my 2nd mother. In many ways, she was my mother. With young children of her own, she was always able somehow to put me first. I appreciate her.

I can still remember what it was like to be a teenager in so many ways. For the most part, I just felt misunderstood and also alone.

I met a girl a while ago that I recognized. She reminded me so much of myself when I was her age. And with a clarity that only comes from hindsight, I realized that I've known many girls like the teenaged Amy, and most of them were missing a key ingredient to normal development, and sadly that's a the solid influence of a grown-up parent.

I hate all that I did to replace the influence of my parents. And when I see other girls doing the same things, I want to scream at their parents. They don't realize that they are the single biggest reason for their child's "activities".

It took me so long to outgrow the thought processes that lead me down the roads I walked. I wish so much that I'd been given a better opportunity; that somehow my parents could know what they know now so that I could have avoided a lot of trouble, literally.

My single greatest hope is that I can help my daughter avoid those back allies. I also wish I could help the girls who are already there.

Got Nothing

In light of the fact that I have no useful or otherwise interesting fodder for a post tonight, I thought I'd just share with you what I ate today mainly because I always find that interesting (really!)

Breakfast: egg bagel and cream cheese

Snack: about 15 Cheez-its during church

Lunch: 1 1/2 bowls of Lucky Charms, a cup of watermelon

Dinner: grilled tuna and cheese (mmmmm), and another cup of watermelon

Night snack: still contemplating but maybe I'll just go to bed

Yeah, pretty uninspiring but hey, it's all I've got tonight! G'night!

Crazy Day

Yesterday I woke up with about a million things to get done before the sun went down. And since I'd only gotten about 4 hours of sleep, I didn't know how I'd get it all done AND take a nap. I'm a little bit ashamed to admit that only yesterday evening as I lay down to sleep did I realize that the Lord blesses us even when we're too proud or selfish to ask for help.

SP started preschool yesterday for the first time. We kept her out when she was 3 because since we thought she'd be our only one, we just couldn't bear her growing up so fast. I regret it a little bit she's very ready now. And, she had a terrific time.
While she was gone, I had a therapy appointment down in the city and then had the daunting task of cleaning up after the hurricane that hit my house.

We've been thinking for sometime that putting our house on the market might be a good idea so that perhaps we can liquidate and buy some property while it's still a buyer's market. I had to get the whole house in shape for her to come over and I swear, it took me like 3 hours.

The realtor had good news for us and I'm not as worried about all of the stuff I thought needed to be done. Plus, it's possible we can list it in the range of what we were thinking. Phew! We've done a lot to this house and it worried me it would be all for nothing.

Following the realtor, I had my Mix n Fix meals to make. I made Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup and Bacon Bit Burgers with Smoked Ghouda. Both of these meals turned out awesome and of course, neither of them were my recipes. They were both actually from episodes of 30-Minute Meals. This morning I received a lot of terrific meals which have filled my freezer nicely with food that can be fixed at a moment's notice.

After the cooking, I headed to Costco to pick up the drinks for our church activity. I'm on the committee for these activities so I had to be there early to set-up and then hung out there until 10pm when the movie was over.

When I got home, I had to finish getting all of the meals finished because I met with the Mix n Fix group early this morning and had to have it all together. It took another hour and I was literally exhausted when I finally laid down.

Like I said, I never asked for extra blessings to get through the day without 1) taking a nap, and 2)getting a headache - but the Lord knew what I needed and was merciful enough to bestow them upon me anyway. I wasn't too tired to express my gratitude before I slept.

Cats Love Marshmallows

It's been 6 weeks and Mickey (the cat - remember, the one I'm allergic to) has finally decided that our bed is the best place in the house to sleep. Keep in mind that our bed is one of 4 beds in the house. But evidently it's the coziest.

And, not only does he sleep there the entire night, it is snuggled right up tight next to The Marshmallow (the official change of name for DH, because no doubt, he deserves it), who doesn't seem to mind one little bit. The Marshmallow has even been heard to admit in soft tones that he sort of likes "the little feller". So sweet.

Evidently Mickey doesn't mind The Marshmallow's strident snoring.

Computer Backup Time!

I have a monthly reminder on my computer to do a back-up and I'm pretty faithful about it because of so MANY horror stories about lost (or stolen) information.

I use an external hard drive, which isn't totally infallible but is better than nothing.

I'm sure you can count at least 5 reasons why you should go NOW and back up your own computer!

Have a great day!

How Much Do YOU Spend on Jeans?

Perhaps it's because I don't think that my hiney DESERVES $100 jeans, or that I don't think I look that good anyway that $40 jeans will do - but I'm confused about this spending huge amounts of money on a pair of frickin' pants!

What I do know is that I WILL NOT spend $100 on jeans. I've seriously only spent that much on shoes 2 times in my life and that's because I got credit card happy.

What I want to know is - Do $100 jeans really make you look that much better? Seriously? Or are you just justifying the money by saying that they make you look better. I don't get it.

I know I'm always asking for enlightenment, but I'm asking for it again. Help me understand this way of thinking (and spending money).

Very Nice Blog Award

I've been away for the weekend and didn't get time to post I'd be gone. I hate doing that and I'm sorry.

But while I was away, a really nice blog award was bestowed upon me - probably the nicest one I've ever received. A really beautiful write-up was written about my last post about the little old lady down the street on The Rising Blogger. After reading the post, I was just so flattered. I wanted to share it with you.

In keeping with the tradition of her nomination system, I was asked to nominate another blog post that I think is worthy of the Post of the Day award, which I have done anonymously and if you visit her blog in the next few days I'm sure you'll be able to figure out which one I nominated.

The Old Lady Down The Street

A big part of my "new" job is going to my patient's home to see how they are doing and if they are safe in their home, both cognitively and physically.

I have to tell you how many times I go to someone's home, usually a little old lady who lives by herself, to find that not only is she unfit to be living there alone, but that she has no one close by that can help her out with simple tasks.

For example, I visited a lady yesterday. I got there at 11:30 am. Part of my questioning (aimed at memory) asked her what she had for breakfast. Turns out she didn't have breakfast because the girl from my company that was supposed to come help her make it, wasn't able to come. This poor lady didn't have anyone to call to come, had a ferocious hunger headache and really had no clue how to make a bowl of cereal for herself. Granted, steps should be taken to where she's no longer living alone in that situation and that's partly my job but I'm only called in on the cases that are known about. You'd be surprised how many of these ladies go on living like this until they fall and end up in a nursing home.

So, I'm asking you - are you aware of who lives on your street and neighborhood? Do you suppose there might be someone who might benefit from you calling them and asking them if you can pick up a gallon of milk for them, or taking out the garbage to the curb so they don't fall on their driveway, or grabbing their mail for them?

It doesn't take much time for you to be aware and help out a little bit to prevent these people from accidentally starving themselves or literally being forgotten to death.

Firefox Snaplinks

For you Entrecard recipro-droppers who have upgraded to Firefox 3.01 and use Snaplinks, you'll notice that snaplinks is no longer compatible. Rather than give up on it, since it's such a handy little add-on (I'll explain its purpose below in case you've missed on this gem), then go here and download the new Snaplinks - the bug has been fixed and can now be used, thank goodness. I don't know what I'd do without it!

Snaplinks allows you to open multiple links (like in a long list) by simply using your right click to select and click to open. It's a terrific add on for mass droppers.

Check it out!

Sorry - I know this isn't my regular type of post but a lot of my visitors come from Entrecard and this applies to them!

Declawing

Poor little Mickey got his front claws removed today. He came home with purple bandages on his paws and he walked on his elbows (?). If I didn't feel so badly for him, I'd have laughed at his antics.

I think the vet must have put something on those bandages so he wouldn't try to gnaw them off but it didn't work. They were chewed off by 9pm.

There is a big fight against declawing I guess, from my quick search but we got this cat mainly as an inside cat so don't worry - we haven't jeopardized his life by removing his only means of defense. It wasn't even a materialistic need to salvage our furniture.

The only defense this cat really needs is against an over-zealous 4-year old. The problem was that he was really attacking her (in play) instead of defending himself and she has scratches all over her little legs. He loves to play with her, and in the mornings repeatedly jumps out from behind corners swatting and biting her legs and toes. It's gotten to the point where she locks him out of her room just so she can play in peace.

So I'm not a heartless cat owner who likes to inflict pain upon my pets. I just want peace on earth. What's wrong with that?

Some People

I had to call the vet today to inquire about vaccinations for our cat. While talking to the secretary who was obviously high on being The Secretary, we got all the way through the details of price, scheduling, etc and then down to business of making the appointment, which I did for 3 weeks from now. And, she said that the vet wanted to "see the cat" prior to doing any procedure. Whatever. It's a cat, not an exotic reptile. I mean I value God's creatures but geez.

I wasn't exactly happy with some of the details she had given me so to be fair, I told her I'd probably check with a few other vets and I possibly would...at this point she interrupted me to say in a very haughty and condescending tone (and I quote)

"well [she huffed], you need to understand that The Doctor is a very busy man, and his time is extremely valuable, so you'll need to really make sure that you call us..."

at which point I interrupted her to say (and I quote) - [I'll bet you can just imagine what I said!]

"I can't believe you just said that! Now, that's really the most humorous thing I've heard all day. You certainly aren't insinuating that The Doctor's [with special emphasis] time might be more precious than say, mine? I realize that he must be very busy but I won't waste his time and will certainly be calling if I decide to take my business elsewhere. Perhaps I sound snotty to you, but you might just check your tone too, my dear."

Now I know that probably wasn't the best way to handle that but seriously guys. Seriously. Who in the world did she think she was talking to?

And yes, I did cancel the appointment. Because honestly - can you really see me showing my face in that clinic? She'd probably make it a point to stay late just to poison my cat.

And there my friends is my attitude...again.

Perspective on Heaven

I read the following story on Noble and Ruddy this morning. I don't normally like to re-print other's blog posts, nor post things of this length but this story warranted both, and so I asked for permission.

I hope you enjoy it like I did:

A Teenager's View of Heaven

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote.." It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven.. I know I'll see him."

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at ." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me.. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards.. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.