Sunday, October 19, 2008

No Excuses

Two nights ago, my daughter was whining about something, and had been whining about it for a while. I was at my limit. It was late and I was tired. I'd had enough and really just wanted lights out and to be done being a mom for the night.

But she started to cry and whine about this stupid thing and I literally lost it. I yelled loudly and told her to shut-up. It scared her. She did shut-up, quickly. I slammed her door and went and sat in the dark for a minute and caught my breath.

I know there are parents out there who might yell at their kids and not think what I did was really all that bad, but I'm not that kind of parent. I have never yelled at my daughter in a tone like that. I hardly ever raise my voice above an impatient tone. I have never told her to shut-up. For me, that's completely unforgivable behavior for a parent.

I sat there thinking all of these things. I have made it 4 1/2 years without behaving this way. I know that pregnancy brings out all sorts of weird behavior but it's not acceptable to me to treat my daughter badly just because I'm tired and pregnant. I felt worse about my behavior than probably anything else I have ever done to her.

I went back in and held her and apologized. She actually was confused as to what I was saying sorry about and I explained to her what mommy had done wrong, and I promised I'd never say that to her again. She's old enough to get it.

I hope this isn't one of those memories she has for the rest of her life.