Monday, March 31, 2008

Church Bulletin Bloopers

I wouldn't normally post something like this but I seriously thought I was going to pee my pants while reading some of these. My friend Christy sent them to me. Enjoy!

They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

You Know You're An Airhead When...

I never knew I was an airhead until I met my husband. Since I was only 22 when that happened, I really didn't have THAT much time to figure it out. The way he makes it sound, he saved me from a fate worse than death by gracing me with his logic.

But it never ceases to annoy me when, no matter how I try to convince myself otherwise, my airhead status is reaffirmed to me. I try so hard to change his mind but then I do something that not only solidifies his belief system but also starts to make me think that perhaps he's right. Here's a couple of instances.

Recently an on-ramp to the freeway was closed. It was one I used frequently. I kept driving over there and then having to go completely out of my way to get on the freeway because it was still closed. I mentioned it to DH because it was driving me nuts. He got this look on his face and I knew I was in trouble. He said, "That on-ramp hasn't been closed. You just have to turn left and they've created a temporary ramp." Keep in mind I went over there probably once a week for like 4 months and NEVER saw that stinking sign that made it clear that you could still get on the freeway! Duh!

Today, when I got home I unpacked everything/everyone from the car and went inside. I put everything away and started onto my next task. Before long, DH said, "Is your car still on?" I said "no" and he said "well, then why are your windshield wipers still on?" Sure enough, I had left that sucker running in the driveway for like 1/2 an hour.

My chances of redeeming myself are running out.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

And Then I Was Thinking...

Sometimes when either I'm driving or trying to fall asleep, my mind follows itself into strange and obscure places. Today, as I was driving, I started thinking about various gifts I have received in my life and began wondering what was THE gift that far surpasses all other gifts I've received.

I could get all spiritual on ya'll and say that, of course, the gift of life from the big "G" would be IT, but I'm really talking about gifts from the other average Joe humans, like me. Got it?

So...drumroll here it is:

A few years ago, I made a monumental mistake with a pretty good sum of cash that we had. I stressed for about 3 months about how to "make it up", or get out of telling DH what a dope I was because I could just see the thunder rollin' in with that particular confession. When, finally, there was no hope of denying (or fixing) the mistake any longer the confession burst from my lips in a flurry of tangled and teary words.


"That's alright. It'll work out". The best...hands down. The gift of forgiveness.

I know my gift was an intangible and perhaps yours is too but it doesn't have to be! What is the best gift you've ever received?

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Are We That Callous?

I need to take serious issue with this new FOX show "The Moment of Truth". This show, to me, is worse than the most violent, sexual movie ever made (not that I know what that would be since I don't fill my head with that crap).

Have you watched this show? I haven't really seen more than highlights and a few videos on YouTube but honestly, that's all I've needed to come to my opinions.

If you know nothing about this show, here's the sum up: a contestant is asked a series of increasingly personal questions in efforts to win up to $500,000. The kicker is they're wearing a lie detector so if they answer incorrectly, they lose their chance at the $. If they continue to answer the truth, they win more.

There are two big problems with this. The first is what some people will do for a chunk of change. I mean there is one lady who completely 'fessed up to cheating on her husband and wanting to leave him for her ex-boyfriend...and then lost all of the $ when asked if she thought she was a good person (ha! she answered yes!). All of this hurting her husband (who btw, was sitting right there) for nothing!

The other problem [and this is with society in general] is that FOX has decided that the majority of the American public will find this entertaining. I think the show is pretty popular so I guess they're right.

And that makes me really sad. What kind of people are we that enjoy watching people hurt other people, on purpose for money? Is hurting other people entertainment?

I know my voice is conservative and of the unpopular opinion but if we don't speak out, no one will. There, FOX, take your show and stick it.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Personal Trainer in Training

This morning, SP came down to my exercise room while I was doing my thing. I was nearly done and so she hopped up on the bench next to me and said (seriously),

"You can do it! Get it going, girl!"

Needless to say, I missed that set. I love that kid.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Where'd My Halo Go?

So I mentioned yesterday that I lost two friends last week and how I'd talk more about it later. I'm not going to give specifics...or names for that matter since it really all just doesn't matter.

What does matter is the reason it happened. I do KNOW the reason, even if it is all very convoluted.

I was accused of gossiping, of all things. Something we all know that I have done, due to my solitary recriminating post of a few weeks past. I admit it...I have done it. I'm not a hypocrite. I've even been on the other side, and it totally sucks.

When I was accused, rather vehemently by my friend I, frankly, was so shocked and offended that I just tried to show her how mistaken she was about my character! Because after all, I truly was innocent of all charges!

However, on retrospect of the situation later I was ashamed! Ashamed because I am a total hypocrite. No, I have never gossiped about this particular person, but I for sure have gossiped heatedly about other people that didn't deserve it. I just didn't get caught then.

It's karma. It got me. I can't fight it; I have no defense. All I can do is pray that she knows I didn't do what she says, and work on being a better person. It's a constant battle.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Did Anyone Miss Me or Do I Need to Eat Worms??

Ahhh, it's good to be home...yeah, it sort of felt like home when I logged onto my blog today. I literally haven't seen it for a week!

It felt good to be gone but I'll tell you what. Remember those 5 things that consume my time? Well, when I wasn't blogging, I really was just doing one of those other things so the whole thing about using my time more productively is not a blogging issue. It's a self-discipline issue, of course. And I know that about myself so that's that.

Here's a reckoning of my week though. LOTS went on and hopefully I can highlight each day.

Sunday (last): I lost two friends today, I don't know why. I was not at fault. Perhaps more on this at another time.

Monday: Went to "Horton Hears a Who"... My opinion? A good kid's show. Some weird and corny parts but all-in-all it was alright. The Supreme Princess, on the other hand, was transfixed. There you go.

Tuesday: Was Day 2 of my Body for Life exercise regimene. Ever tried Body for Life? I have and loved it. This time I couldn't stand straight because my chest and arms were noodles (from yesterday).

Wednesday: I helped my older sister paint her bathroom in a fun faux style. She had the ambition to try to paint like 4 rooms in two days, prep and all. I had mercy on her and spent the day at her house. It was fun though.

Thursday: Watched both episodes of American Idol and was of the opinion that Amanda should go. I think anyone at this stage in the game has a fairly good chance of a career in the music industry. Also today, after yesterday's leg workout, I could not all. I spent my day hobbling around (rather waddling around) feeling about 90 years old. In order to loosen up, I got in the hot tub and promptly dropped my iPod in there. Nice.

Friday: My day was spent in preparation for my dinner swap and I made enough food to feed 85 people. Two different meals, 42 servings a piece. By the end of this day, I was hammered (no, not drunk).

Saturday: Dinner swap. Egg hunts like crazy. Or should I say...candy hunts. What the heck is this community egg hunt thing? I just don't see the sense! I prepped for tomorrow's real egg hunt. We colored eggs.

Later, had a girl's night with my friends Katie, Carly and Julie. We had dinner at Chili's, hit the mall and IKEA, my favorite store. We had SO MUCH FUN!

Sunday: Easter Sunday service, of course, preempted by a very fun easter egg hunt in the backyard complete with easter bunny tracks and a very expensive toy (can you's a sucker?)

You learn.

Glad to be back! I've missed you all. Downloading my emails is just NO FUN when you're not blogging. That's all I have to say!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Just A Test

In all things blogging, a good portion of time is used up especially considering I try to post daily. test my theory of how much actual time is sucked up by my blogging life, I am taking a one week sabbatical.

Bear with me. I'll be back. I just want to see what else I come up with to do while I'm not blogging.

See you in a week!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Giving and Receiving

Most of our lives are spent in either giving or receiving. At various times in our developmental cycle, we are generally tipping the scale heavily in one side or the other. Such as children, mainly they take. But they do a good portion of giving (or else no one would ever have them right?) They give us warm-fuzzies, kisses, loves, etc.

Sometimes it can be great fun to receive, like at Christmas. But most of the time it is really hard to receive! It's like we're announcing we have a weakness that needs filled, a requirement that can only be filled by another person. That's difficult!

It's so much easier to give, isn't it? If you do it for the right reasons, the payback is instantaneous. You feel amazing because you were able to help someone.

I thought of this because today I helped someone who didn't make a request but obviously needed it in a big way. And I felt so good for doing it but I had to wonder how the recipient felt afterward. How will she look back upon the situation? Will she feel guilty? Will she feel like I do when someone helps me? Like I'm in debt and strive for an opportunity to "pay it back". Well, I don't know this person and there's no way she can, so I hope she can just take it for what it was.

Have you seen the movie "Pay it Forward". I really liked it. It's that whole theory that you can't pay it "back", so you pass it on to a new person.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

I'm Lucky To Have Friends

Well I am! If you knew me in RL, you'd know that I have a way of letting my mouth lead my head. I often say things that I want to slurp back into my mouth before they have reached my listener's ears. It's so embarrassing!

But I have a lot of friends! Perhaps true friends realize that a lot of people have this quirky little problem. I call it an Amy-ism. Maybe my true friends appreciate that I'm a person and accept that I'm not trying to offend someone and that I am instantly sorry if I do.

I'm saying this stuff because just this past week, I've had two friends post to their blogs specifically about me. And I am so fortunate to have friends that care about me enough to write such kind things about me.

These two friends are Susan and Josey. Susan's post is here, Josey's post is here.

Susan is a very old friend (not old in age, just old in that we've known each other for a long time). I knew her when we were both single and free. Our lives evolved at nearly the same times (husband, kids etc.) and throughout it all, we've managed to stay in touch. Sometimes we go years without seeing each other but we always manage to get right back to where were. I love her so much!

Josey, on the other hand, is a new friend. I met her through this blog! Josey is so kind and supportive. I've appreciated her dedication both to herself and her health concerns as well as to me and mine. She and I have started doing daily reports to each other on how we've done in our day toward our new year's resolutions and health challenges. I've come to value her input, and look forward to her chit chat about her day. She has a very interesting life!

Thanks both of you, and all of my other friends for being there for me and caring for me despite my Amy-isms.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

What Am I Doing With my Time?

Similar to the theory that most women rotate about 10 different meals at any particular time, I have about 5 activities that I rotate through that take about 30-40% of my time. I finally figured this out!

And now that I have figured it out, I think I can put some structure around it and dominate the pattern rather than have it dominate me!

The activities that I constantly find myself involved in are, to no surprise, the ones that interest me the most. I engage in them at the end of the day; they're the ones that distract me from doing the things that SHOULD be done. They are the activities that will never end because I like them so much, I keep doing them. You'll see what I mean when you see my list. Here they are:

1) reading
2) scrapbooking
3) blogging or other computer *crap*
4) family history (i LOVE this)
5) watching movies

The very nature of these activities lend themselves to NEVER being done, which can be a problem, or it could be good because that way, I'm never bored of them!

So, do you have a top 5? Top 3? What are they? Am I so different from you?

Monday, March 10, 2008


Talk about mad-rush to sign a kid up for preschool! I knew that I needed to get on it quickly but when I finally made the phone call, it seemed like I was already 3 months behind!

I've struggled a lot with where to send the SP to school. I've made up my mind about primary school but preschool was different. There are so many options anywhere from daycare-run preschools (which are more like daycare than preschool if you ask me), to little schools run out of homes.

I finally chose the latter; a place pretty near my home that is a brand new school this year. It met a lot of my requirements, namely 3 days a week (on the days I want it), separation of 3 & 4 year-olds because their cognitive and social levels are really so different! I wanted fairly small class sizes and a little more structure in preparation for formal education.

I paid the registration fee today and had a meeting with the teacher. I really love her. I think she is going to be great. SP cried when we left her house; I guess she'll be fine when school starts in August.

August????? I can't believe it's almost time for my baby to start school!

BTW, I was wrong about the two sides of peep-dom. There were too many people who ride the fence.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

1,000 Years After People

Are you guys watching this? It's so amazing!

I'm actually watching LIVE TV tonight. I've been looking forward to this show!

Can't find it? It's on Nat Geo RIGHT NOW!

Friday, March 7, 2008

Peep Lovers Everywhere

The world can be divided into two groups.

1. Peep lovers

2. Peep haters

It's that simple folks. a peep lover. I love them frozen, stale but rarely fresh and never on pizza as their website states (loyal fans "love them on pizza"). Well, I think that's wrong.

SP just doesn't like them at all. Every easter, in a shameless, vain attempt to "claim" my maternal bond with this child - force her to eat a peep. You can almost see the gag reflex as she chokes down a few bites and then asks for a drink. What's so sad is that I can tell she is really trying to like them...for ME! ;" She actually got a whole one down yesterday, gagging the whole time, all the while trying to convince me how much she loves them! Well, it's not working. She hates 'em and so, she falls into the other camp.

Did you realize there is a Peep's Fan Club? Yes, we're serious about our peeps people! Deadly.

In case you're wondering...this was NOT an advertisement. It's merely Easter, which means it's Peep's time...and I just scarfed down 6 peeps in as many seconds and wanted to share my sickness with you all.

Are you a lover or a hater?

Thursday, March 6, 2008

American Idol This Week

I just don't watch TV that much so watching 3 nights in a row is a real stretch for me. I watch all 3 episodes in one evening - on Thursday so the suspense isn't prolonged too much.

I wrote this whole long post about my thoughts of this week's episodes but it all boils down to this:

1) I'm glad Danny got voted off. His antics were taking away from his performance. He has a great voice but is too immature to deal with being a celebrity and probably will never be ready.

2) Asia - awesome singer. Sad story. I think she'll do alright though.

3) All the vote-offs were predictable. The remaining 12 are who they should be with 1 or 2 exceptions (I'm not sure Amanda really should be there).

I'm saying it now though I think I've said it before...a guy's gonna win this year. It's too soon to speculate which one but I'm just thinking they're so much better than the chics. My opinion.

BTW: have you seen iTunes "site" for American Idol? It's new, I think. It has all the 24 contestants and their name goes "out" when they are voted off. If you click on their name, it brings up all the songs they have sung for their performances that you can buy. I don't know about you, but in year's past, I've wanted to buy certain songs but never could. I LOVE it!.


I posted here about Kelly's new picture challenge on The Spotted Puppy. This week, until next Monday, is "Healthy".

This is my submission...milk.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Death In the Family

A few nights ago, I had the most terrible dream that all of my fish and marine life had died. It was seriously the closet thing I've had to a nightmare in a really, really long time. The dead fish were larger than life and just awful!

When I woke up, I was so relieved to realize it had just been a dream.

And then I went in the kitchen.

My heart broke when I saw that my new little fish was floating around near the bottom.

Here's the deal. It was entirely my fault. I made a bad assumption when I didn't stop to consider food and different feeding schedules. This was not the same type of fish that I already have and he doesn't eat the same, nor in the same way. The clown fish are eating off the top, flakes. This other little guy wanted his food floating around in the tank and near the bottom. Plus, he wanted it a little more frequently.

So basically, I saved two clown fish from death, and then starved another one. 2/3.

With new information, a repentant heart and correct food - I bought a new fish of the same variety and will start over. I pray I'm a better mom to this new one.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Hey Chipmunk Girl!

What the ... I really think I have enough food for the whole winter stored in those cheeks! I never realized how chipmunk-like my cheeks are, especially when I'm laughing!

But, that's the one that the majority of you all chose (even DH!) In some ways it surprises me but I guess that human nature gravitates toward happiness...and I certainly do look like I'm about to bust a vein in that picture!

Josey commented that she thinks I look like Carrie Underwood. That's very flattering. Carrie is beautiful! I think Carrie Underwood looks like Reese Witherspoon and DH thinks it's something about their mouths and nose structure that makes them look alike. I think he's right. I've actually heard people say I look like both of them, lots of times! Funny, I don't really see it. Probably because they're both drop-dead gorgeous!

Carrie Underwood's a baby...maybe when I had long blonde hair (yes, I did!) and was 10 years younger I might have resembled her a little. Reese is only 2 years my junior but she still looks like a baby.
Either way, the resemblence was probably more prominent when I was young. What do you think?

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Little Writer's Notebook

Throughout my day, I stockpile about a million little "post moments" in my head. You know, little posts that you've written in your head - at least the first couple sentences. Well, I do that at least.

They vary. Ideas range from stupid things like "tell me about your wedding day" to "what my favorite Halloween costume was of all times". I've honestly put together posts in my head for both of these ideas...thankfully they've never made it to print. Yet.

However, it always happens when I sit down to actually type out a post, the well is dry. There's nuthin' there. Where did all that FAB material go, anyway?

OH, hey grammer-challenged folks who irritate's ANYWAY...NOT ANYWAYS!!!!! pet peeve #1 addressed. Today. And yes, if I "do" a pet peeve of yours, lay it on me - I'm not here to just to rag on you...:)

So, back to the empty well...I'm thinking of having one of those nerdy little pocket notebooks so that I can actually jot down some of my fabulously witty post ideas... Yes. Just for you and your viewing pleasure. Whatever I can do to help make your day brighter.

If you say "anyways", I forgive you.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Spotted Puppy

Would you like to be in a bookclub but haven't found one you like? Is it too inconvenient to try to "meet" each month? Then you should try the Spotted Puppy hosted by my friend Kelly (otherwise known as "The Photographer").

Another new feature to the Spotted Puppy is a photographic challenge. This is NOT for professionals - but just to have fun. Kelly will list a word of the week (this week is RED) and your challenge is to go take a picture of your interpretation of the word. It's been cool to see what people come up with. I have yet to do the "Red" but plan to!

This month, we're reading Pillars of the Earth, by Ken Follett. This bookclub is set up in a forum-based setting (like a bulletin board) where you post a topic and someone posts a reply. Very cool - you should check it out!