Monday, March 31, 2008

Church Bulletin Bloopers

I wouldn't normally post something like this but I seriously thought I was going to pee my pants while reading some of these. My friend Christy sent them to me. Enjoy!

They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

7 backward glances:

Ben said...

Oh that is hilarious! This is one of those few times when church talk is entertaining.

Amy said...

ben: yeah, entertaining isn't exactly what I'd call most church talks.

Shelby said...

Those are HILARIOUS! I'm glad you shared!

Lightening said...

ROFLOL. I love this kind of stuff. Just found your blog via Entrecard. :)

Jillian said...

LOL. Ok, these are pretty funny.

Lynne said...

OMG!! I just read those out loud to my mother and we were both just about in tears from laughing so hard! Those are great!

friendinME said...

nice. I gotta put some of these in our bulletin. :) I heard some of them before, but several new ones for me. thanks.