If you're fat; you want to be thin, if you're thin; you hate your nose, if you love your foot size; you might hate the color of your hair. We're all in the same boat. Even those we covet hate something about themselves but we're not their best friend so we don't know what that "thing" is.
In talking to a good friend this morning(nameless to protect from her from embarrassment), who happens probably be a size 0, she was commenting about how crappy she ate this past weekend. My inner eyes were rolling as she spoke of cakes and brownies and other things she partook of. Finally, I asked, "alright, I just have to know why someone your size is feeling guilty about what you ate?"
At this point in my life, I wouldn't say I'm overweight terribly. I've got about 15 lbs. of extra baggage and I think I'm about average. I don't feel particularly awesome about how I look but I also don't live, eat & sleep my body image. Prior to having my daughter several years ago, I was at a great size for my height. I had lost some weight and had maintained it long enough to feel used to it. After about 8 months of being in that body, I found my focus starting to shift from body image to healthy lifestyle. I gave up coffee, soda, fast food, and most every other crappy ingestible thing (including smoking). I loved the feeling of caring more about my health than what my body looked like.
So my friend answered me, "...if I continue to eat like that all the time, i would never stay this size, not to mention it makes me feel awful!"
I have spent way too much of my lifetime worrying about my body size. It's unfair that we are teased with perfect bodies in our teenaged years (when we have no concept of how to truly appreciate them), and then they are yanked away from us after such a short association. We spend the rest of our lives remembering what it felt like to have lean thighs, flat tummies, skinny little waists. Our thoughts, "if only i could lose 10 lbs, i'd be happy..." How sad.
I'd like to make that shift again from body image to healthy body and lose the need to get back to pre-baby size. I'd probably be a lot more at peace.
5 backward glances:
I had a few moments to catch up on your blog--about the tamales; they were SOOOO good! I think you're a fabulous cook. Well, anyone that cooks for me is fabulous, these days! Anyway, Amy, I always enjoy your cooking and think you're being too hard on yourself regarding your culinary skills. Please teach your mom how to make tamales!!! There were only two--I wanted twenty! Good work!
Amen, this is why I love you. I agree whole hearted, I continue to run each morning at 5 am NOT to lose weight, but to be healthy- you taught me that. Sure I would love to lose 10 lbs, but if I were honest with myself I'm probably exactly where I am suppose to be. Thank you for reminding me that we all are too caught up with weight and we don't recognize the inner strength we already have.
"I have spent way too much of my lifetime worrying about my body size. It's unfair that we are teased with perfect bodies in our teenaged years (when we have no concept of how to truly appreciate them), and then they are yanked away from us after such a short association. We spend the rest of our lives remembering what it felt like to have lean thighs, flat tummies, skinny little waists. Our thoughts, "if only i could lose 10 lbs, i'd be happy..." How sad."
I totally agree with all you've said, but particularily envy you on the above statement. Unfortunately, I'm one of those individuals who has pretty much been overweight all my life (sometimes more than others...), so I can't say that I even 'know' what it feels like to be 'thin'.
That is all I think about right now being huge and pregnant. I dread the next 6 months of being so fat after the baby is born. Why do we dwell on it so much!
It's such a shame that we are so fixated with our weight (me included) ...our lives will be gone and we will have spent a large portion of it wishing ourselves away...so sad.
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