I have a lady, Sandria, who works for me, and several other occupational therapists in my department. She takes direction from us and works directly with some of our kids on a weekly basis. She's worked for the district for several years and is pretty good at what she does. Not only that but she's not got a self-inflated sense of responsibility which makes guiding her all the more easier. I was complimenting her on her work today and we got into a discussion I'd like to share.
It's going on 3 years now that I've worked for this school district. And I've worked with closely with Sandria several times. She currently assists me only with the kids at one particular school, where we both were today.
In talking, she recalled the first time she ever met me. I had come to supervise a session she was having with a student and she says I was quizzing her as to why she had chosen certain activities to do with this kid. That sounds like me. I like my assistants to understand why they're doing something, instead of just doing some rote activity that doesn't make any sense.
Anyway, she said it sort of scared her and that I had really intimidated her, and for quite some time she would really stress if she knew I was coming to supervise her. She said she knows I like things done a certain way and I'm very particular. That's true. Ask anyone.
I know I give off an intimidating and outspoken first impression. I get that a lot. I often say things that if you don't know me, might seem a little too assertive. Most of my friends know that about me and thankfully were willing to give me more than one try after their first impression of me. I actually think that most of my good friends had the first impression that I was pretty out-spoken and intimidating.
And while it's one thing that my friends have learned to ignore my faults, I feel bad that this poor lady has felt this way for so long and never had the chance to get to know that behind all of that is someone who is more inclined to put my foot in my mouth than chew her out. I think this is something I need to work on. I want someone to tell me that their first impression of me was that I was so nice and they couldn't imagine me talking bad about anybody else. Someday I want somebody to truthfully say that about me.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Am I Scary?
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10 backward glances:
ouch, sorry melanie. i accidentally deleted your post when i was trying just to reply to it. sorry. i'm glad you don't think i'm intimidating any more. :)
Your strong initial personality weeds out the wimps. : )
And even if at first you have a crunchy candy shell, it doesn't take long to get to the soft, chewy center.
I'm exactly the same way.
I have had the same thing happen to me. In my mind, I just am not intimidating at all.
However, the fact that I am a pastor intimidates some people... the woman who was intimidated by you was probably bothered more by your authority than your persona.
I also tend to have a sarcastic sense of humor which can also intimidate people who don't "get it." But they are idiots. :)
kelly: that's what i like about you
Mrs.F: i had a sneaking suspicion
FinMe: hopefully it is the authority thing and not my actual pesonality. she wasn't make me out to sound like i was very nice, even though i really try to be, especially to "my" employees. they're not really "mine"
Hi Amy. You know, I was truly surprised that someone would view you as anything other than warm and welcoming. That, to me at least, is first thing I think about you now that we've started to get to know each other thanks to the blogging thing. How we come across in person is an altogether different matter isn't it? I always think of myself as warm and welcoming too. In fact, I'd put my hand in the fire that these two attributes define me like no other and yet, sometimes others have seen me as anything but. How does the disconnect happen? I don't quite know, but it does. Should you bash yourself on the head in this particular instance and feel bad? I would say no. I agree with the pastor when he said that Sandria was likely intimidated by your authority and not by you. How COULD she be intimidated by you? She didn't really know you as anything other than her boss. Feel wonderful thought that her private perception of you has made a 180. She wouldn't have told you how she thought of you originally had this still been the case. Like Kelly says - you seem to be all soft in the center. That's the nicest kind of person.
Gypsy: thank you for that comment. i'm also not sure how we can be so far removed from other people's perceptions of ourselves. thank goodness we have good friends to give us the straight & dirty so we don't wander around in complete ignorance. i am pretty soft & chewy and not necessarily just on the inside. (kind of soft & squishy right around my middle too, lol)
I like you just the way you are :)
Thanks for knowing exactly when to tell me what I want to hear, when I want to hear it the most.
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