Parenting Styles and Thoughts on Independence

I was reading in a fantastic book called Babyproofing Your Marriage about parenting styles. This is a great book for understanding what the heck happens to marriages once the baby happens to it.

The book has a theory that there are two types of parents. One type is concerned primarily with the child's safety and happiness. The other type is primarily concerned with the child's development over time and ensuring that that child will develop necessary skills for living in the world later. These are overarching concerns that somehow imbue themselves into most actions these parents have. Not that one isn't concerned with the other stuff just that it's not the MOST IMPORTANT. Usually there is one of each in a marriage, and it's called balance. I am of the latter type. That my daugher is well-rounded, adapted and independent is the concern that colors most of my behaviors toward her.

She's only 3 1/2 and so of course it's difficult to judge if I've done a good job so far. I think I have but that's just me. But I watch her, and I like what I see. She's very independent, knows what she wants and how to get it. She's not a follower. She can play with somebody or alone. She knows how to calm herself, and to amuse herself. She's adaptable and can solve problems. This is of course all in the context of being a toddler. Then again, she throws huge fits, doesn't like to share, is rude and snatches toys from babies. We're working on these things.

But as I look at the direction we're headed, I like what I see. If we can temper the tantrums (ha, little play with words), teach her some kindness, chewing with her mouth shut, and deflate the super-ego she's going to have because of her "other-parent-type" dad, we'll be in good shape.

To all the mothers out there who share their children's time with SP, I'm sorry if she's a brat sometimes, especially if I don't notice. She and I - we're works in progress.