DH always is complaining how I fail to "consult" with him regarding big decisions (or even smaller ones) that I make. He says that rather, I always just "tell" him what I'm going to do. To me, if I am even opening my mouth to divulge my plans, that is a way of consulting or why would I bother? It's opening a discussion. I always thought it was just semantics.
It's not.
I was recently "told" some information that I would rather have been "consulted" on. And let me just say it was not pleasant. It was not DH; it was my mother. The information she gave me was not in and of itself the unpleasant business, but how I was informed.
I never realized how difficult it can be to be "told" something when you really should be consulted instead, out of respect. This must be what DH is complaining about, and for the first time in my life, I realize the mistake I've been making. I never could understand his point until it happened to me. Although I exhibited full-on anger at first, it quickly became apparent that it was hurt I was feeling. I've been minimized.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Karma
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6 backward glances:
I do that to Shawn all the time, and he hates it! When he does it to me, I get furious! I think I finally get it, though, now.
hmmm...where did i read this recently...
"You did what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better." Maya Angelou
ive experienced stuff like that lately, too, amy. in quite not-so-pleasant ways. and i say to myself...OH_MY_GOSH, i've been acting this way/doing this thing my whole life. how come i never noticed?
little did you know a few days ago when you posted that quote how it would soon come into play! funny how things like that work.
it's hard growing up, isnt it? *pouts* we are minimized together!
the problem I have to deal with is the fact that I am always right -- and so, I don't want any input that is going to make it seem otherwise. ;)
Communication is so much more than just the words that come out of our mouths.
Early in our marriage, my wife and I agreed that if there were two ways to interpret something either of us is saying, we ALWAYS meant it in the way that is more positive. What I mean is, if you're bringing it up as a way to open up conversation and genuinely not trying to start an argument, lay a trap (those questions for which there is no correct answer), or anything else negative, my own opinion is that he should just decide that it's okay. You ARE consulting with him... just not using his script.
Of course, if this truly isn't the case, good on ya for figuring it out! :D
well, you live and learn, righ? hopefully? well, we all see it better when its done back at you...
Jay
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