Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Catching Up

I suppose I'll come back. It's been nearly a month since I blogged last and several times I've missed blogging but then I get caught up in other things and the moment passes. But I have more than just one reason for blogging and some other reasons came back to me and so here I am.

I want to keep this up; I miss the constant back-and-forth communications with readers. I miss living my day through my blog and writing out my next post in my mind, testing phrases, taking a relevant picture...it's fun. But in a day of busy things, it can become just another thing. With a baby, you have prized moments to achieve goals when they're sleeping. Tink still sleeps a lot but less and less all the time. The good thing is that she's now old enough to sit up and play for isolated amounts of time by herself or with her sister. I'm able to get more done.

Tonight there's a meteor shower between 12am and 5am. Daughter #1 has made a special request to watch it. I considered...what could it hurt? I told her when Tink wakes up to eat in the night, I'll feed her then come get her and we could go outside and watch the meteor shower. It's supposed to be pretty spectacular and it's been a long time since I've seen one. I hope it's a memory she'll be able to retain.

The Marshmallow's out of town and has been going out of town frequently for work. I'm grateful for the time "off" so to speak. No checking the clock for the 5pm downer - dinnertime where I'm on the spot to produce food that all will enjoy - a task virtually impossible anymore since Daughter #1 stubbornly refuses to eat a single thing and patently "hates" all foods I cook on sight. Perhaps I don't blame her.

While The Marshmallow is gone, my schedule/routine changes a lot indicating to me that I make a lot of compromises in my lifestyle to be married. Do we all do that and to what degree? I sleep with a fan on my face: he hates it. I stay up late: he goes to bed early. I sleep in: he gets up early. I eat dinner whenever I feel hungry and I eat random weird things: he likes a set time to eat and a "real meal". He watches TV - like the news etc religiously every night until 10:17 when the weather's over: I hate TV and avoid it at all costs. I don't know if he would be different than what he does now if I weren't around but my gut tells me no. He does what he does because that's what he likes. But these compromises I make aren't awful, they're just not how I would live were I single. It's probably good. I lack discipline.

My "quest" to lose weight is going well. I've managed to rid myself of over 50 lbs. of whatever it is I gained while I was pregnant. I have about 8 lbs to go to be pre-prego weight, a size I didn't like at the time anyway but if things keep going like they're going, perhaps I can get below that dreaded size and into some of my smaller clothes. The journey's good.

My baby is growing up. Can you believe she's nearly 6 months old now? When I hold her in the rocking chair to feed her in the night, her little fat legs hang over the side of the chair. I remember not very long ago I could hold her whole little body right inside my arms. She's a happy baby, very active and stubborn. She's a wonderful sleeper regularly dropping off at 7:30 and sleeping until 7:30 or 8:00 AM with only one night feeding. Yea, I've got it made. My night independence only had a slight sabbatical. I'm lucky.

What else can I ramble on about to catch you up? Who knows. My life is getting back to normal and I'm finding myself again, shaking off the dust and wiping down the cobwebs. The rooms in my house are remembering the old Amy and the layers of junk are getting cleared out finally. Organization is becoming more of a theme every day and I'm happy.

My only complaint right now is that I miss my friends. My life, or the life of a mother with an infant, changes so much. I feel removed somewhat from former social circles mainly because I can't participate fully with such a small baby. I make efforts where and when I can but it's difficult and I look forward to the day when I can re-assert my personality back into life the way I am used to.

Oh, and today I got an MRI on my back. Weird procedure. If you were around me at all during my pregnancy, you'd remember how much I complained about this incessant back pain that completely debilitated me. Oh, I'd had it before I got pregnant just not as bad and now that I'm "back to normal" the pain is still here and it's something I just don't think I can tolerate for the rest of my life without intervention. I had an X-ray last week with no significant findings. I'm anxious for Thursday to find out the results of this test.

So...if you're still with me, I'd like to mention a little thing that happened to me this past weekend. In a forum where I frequently discuss my sprituality and things that happen at church, I received my very first "persecution". Living in Utah and being a "Utah Mormon" we get little of this head-on. We hear about it a ton but rarely does it manage to penetrate our culture, right? Well, in this forum some anonymous person called me a "worthless Mormon" - just like that. I suppose it could have been a more heated term, filthy and rude. But it struck me all the same. That some person in this world considers a person "worthless" just because of their religion is a theme that has been at the heart of many conflicts - some bloodier than a Gettysburg battlefield. But now I'm worthless...because I'm LDS. Strange.

I'll leave it at that note. Sorry to blather on and on and on but catching up can take a while. TTFN.

7 backward glances:

Tiffany said...

I am so so so glad you are back!!! I have missed you :) Pathetic that I wait for you to write to not have to miss you, I know, but like you , you get caught up in other things and the moment passes.

I am so sorry to hear about your back. I'm gaining more empathy with this pregnancy I think :) My back always hurts when I'm pregnant, but this time is B-A-D. I get stuck on the floor a lot ;) Hopefully, they can figure things out and get you some relief.

And that whole "worthless Mormon" thing? Without lowering to that person's level, I think Elder Maxwell said it best when he said, "The laughter of the world is merely loneliness pathetically trying to reassure itself."

You're awesome, and I'm glad you're back :)

Christy said...

YAY! It's good to see you posting. I've missed reading your blog. You've accomplished much in 6 months. I can totally relate to how things change with a little one around. I was in that mode for almost 12 years. But, that's how life is...situations are changing and adaptation is inevitable. You make it work.
Hope they get your back all figured out. I, too, have had my share of back issues...it's no fun.
To answer your question, I do things a little different when Carl is out of town. I'm a bit more relaxed but I don't think I'd stay that way long term. It's only nice for a day or two.
And "worthless"? Give me a break. What kind of talk is that anyway? No person is worthless and to base it on religion alone. Pathetic!
Welcome back! Have a great day!

siteseer said...

I think I already said I like your site, and girl, you have a lot on your mind. My husband is now retired - you want to talk about changes. I agree I would do everything different if he weren't there, but I wouldn't change a thing - I love having him there as I'm sure you do your husband. I'll just continue to do things differently when he's away for a while. Life is a funny thing.

Sorry you're in pain with your back. My daughter had back surgery and is still in pain. Hope your's can be resolved.

And come on... how can anyone put such things as worthless in a comment. And no person is worthless. I wouldn't even give it space in my comment section - next time use the delete button. In my world if you're anonymous then you have no voice. Okay, once in a while I get anonymous, but I know who it is and they usually sign their name to it lol

I miss holding my babies, but totally enjoy the two granddaughters I've been blessed with. They grow up so fast.

You have a great site and I can usually relate to what you are going through even though we are worlds apart.

Amy said...

Tiffany: I like that quote. It's so applicable in so many contexes!

Christy: 12 years? I guess that's true. I know you have more patience and selflessness than me. I'll be glad to get out of this phase except that in doing so, I lose the baby phase.

Siteseer: Thank you for all of your recent comments. Yes, I do like having my husband around and the few concessions I make while he's here are worthwhile. But I do enjoy my break here and there!

Rachel said...

I absolutely loved your call today. I took your advice and made the "leftover dinner" look nice and you know what? The boys ATE everything and loved it. Chad even loved the Shepard's pie more today than on Sunday.
I miss our daily running talks. We are so much more on the same page now than we were then. Funny isn't it that we are separated by miles, but living with the same sort of trials. I too miss friends to bounce life off on. I loved the ramblings blog and even more, love our random phone chats. Miss you!!

Katie said...

I know about no friends- for many different reasons but the major one is that I am so sick and pregnant right now I can barely make it through the day- but I know it will end shortly and then I will have a 2 year old and a newborn and move on to different trials- but one I am ready for and love. Glad to see what is going on with you.

Amy said...

Katie - I have to believe things will get better, right? I've thought about you a lot and can't believe you're already 6 months along! It seems like you were 6 months along just yesterday with Luka and now he's going to be 2! Being a grown-up is no fun that way.