Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Dreams and Reality

When I graduated from college, I had a diploma saying that I had SKILLS. Skills that could change people's lives. I had dreams of creating programs, instituting them and making a huge difference.

Somewhere along the road, my dreams of changing the world capitulated into endless loads of laundry, dishes, cleaning out the tub after baths, paying bills and playing Polly Pocket, which are worthwhile activities and I'm not complaining about that.

It's just hard to be altruistic when my daily focus is right this basket of dirty clothes, in this dirty sink, in this un-made bed.

I know...the Peace Corp can wait, my child is only young once. I'm trying to be patient.

8 backward glances:

Christy said...

Even with all the duties of running a home and rearing a child there are things you can do, both big and small that will make a difference. But, even if the only thing you do is look after your husband and your adorable little girl you are making the biggest difference and possibly the most important as Harold B. Lee would say, “The [greatest] work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home”.

Tara said...

yep, I totally understand!

Joy said...

While reading your post, I just thought that somebody out there might be living your 'dream' and thinking that they'd give that up to be home, caring for their child, seeing him/her grow up. That just came to my mind so randomly.

I'm not trying to say what you think and feel are wrong. Not at all. :) Just wanted to let you know that, trust me, there are a lot of other people who would like to be in your shoes, too. :)

Sometimes I'm like that with other things, and since I read Eckhart Tolle's book, I started saying to myself that what I am experiencing right now is what is right for me. I try to enjoy and make the most of it.

Gypsy at Heart said...

You know, I was going to leave you a comment that said almost to the word what your commenter Joy has said already. Look at it this way for the moment Amy, you are changing a life, you are implementing and instituting a program for raising your child AND, you are making a world of difference for being the kind of parent many other little children could only dream of having. If it is any consolation, I heard about two years ago of a young woman who had been admitted to the Peace Corps and whose mother had too! Not only that, but they were traveling out to their respective country assignments almost at the same time. Let that achieved mother/daughter dream tide you over for the moment. I know that as a mommy, sometimes it seems like we put our lives on hold and get overtaken in everything by the "mommy-ness" but, the feeling passes. You are not giving up your dreams, you are only postponing them. Milena

Katie said...

Oh Amy- I heard a story the other day about a lady sitting in her interview to apply for her doctorate in social work. Suddenly she heard a voice in her head saying "your family needs you more" From then on she realized that by raising her three children she could more profoundly change the world than by doing anything else. I think she is right. You too are changing the world by raising Natalie to be such an important part of society. By loving her and teaching her right the trickle effect you will have through all the people she touches will be unbelievable. So don't think you aren't doing it- you are in much bigger ways than you ever imagined.

Amy said...

i know it sounded like a complaint but it really wasn't. perhaps i should have worded it differently.

Joy & Milena: you're totally right. i even have friends who would give their right arm to have the life I have, whose husbands require them to work, and then there's mine who would prefer I just stay home all of the time.

Katie & Christy: yes, there are important things i can be focusing on right here and now, and a little encouragement was all i needed. my mind's been going crazy all day thinking about all the great stuff i can be doing with SP.

Thanks everyone!

Sarah Grace said...

I understand completely. That guilt can take us over. In time, I believe, even better things will come.

You have a great site!

josey said...

everyone's comments were so inspiring! amy, your want and need to do something "bigger than yourself" is a very selfless thing, and by just having that passion in your heart, you WILL make a difference. no matter where you focus your energy!