Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Me and Dogs

At the risk of alienating all of my dog-loving readers, I'm just going to lay it out there for you, folks. I'm not a dog lover. There. I said it.

And it's not even like I've never given then an honest try. I had a lab when I was a teenager. I was even the sucker who brought the runt home. She was a sweet little thing, and I did love her. She's in heaven now.

I even had a Dobie when I was a young-adult (married to The Cowboy). But we had a small house and he was a puppy and he chewed on anything in sight and had the smelliest farts ever! He was precious but well, just not my cup of tea.

Since I've gotten older, I've come to dis-appreciate dogs in a whole new light. Why is it everywhere we move, we've got some completely deaf neighbor who owns a dog and refuses to bring the dog in when it barks incessantly all of the time? I mean, PLEASE people! If you absolutely must own a dog, open your freakin' ears and pay attention to the yapper!

And I am the neighbor who will come to your house at 3am and tell you that your dog is annoying the crap out of me. I've done it a few times, and no doubt will do it again. I'm also the neighbor who will call the pound. I've done it before, and no doubt will do it again.

For a long while I thought my newest neighbors had the sense God gave them, and didn't want a dog. And so the neighborhood was practically devoid of barking dogs and all was peaceful in the night. Until 3 nights ago when the little boy next door joyfully shouted over the fence to me that they had just got a Chihuahua. A chihuahua people! Of all the dogs they could have gotten, they had to get the one that barks THE MOST!

And it does...all day long.

Yes, I will be taking measures. Say what you will about my cold-heart, and my un-feeling nature. Guys, it's not all dogs I hate - only the ones who bark! Or maybe I just hate the owners who let their dogs bark.

There's a couple down the street who own a dog and they've had the voicebox removed. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!

16 backward glances:

friendinME said...

wait a minute! I am confused. First, you said that the people next door got a dog. Then you said they got a Chihuahua. Which is it???

Chihuahuas and Pomeranians constitute a class called pseudocanines. They are kinda like nervous cats that bark. ;)

and now that we have alienated both Chihuahua AND cat owners, you might appreciate the clip on my blog


Ben said...

I like dogs, but I wouldn't get one anytime soon. It would be like getting a baby and I really don't like those (except yours that is so beautiful) :-p I am a cat person. They are like roommates. All you have to do is feed them and change their litter boxes, they are smart enough to figure the rest of their lives out. Hehehe. Chihuahuas are not cats that bark. They are little ugly rats that bark.

Katie said...

I feel the same way Amy. And NOTHING annoys me more than when people try to compare their dog to a human being. Seriously people! I mean, I hate when some of my family members say they love their dogs as much as they would love kids if they had them.... UH HUM, I THINK NOT!

P.O.M. said...

Hi - just found you thru Mrs. F.

Amen for sayin' how ya feel. I don't HATE dogs, but I am also not a lover. I mean - hair everywhere, stinky dog breath, can't take vacations cuz a Dog? Give me a break. I'm sure I will have one when I "settle down" and I realize I should be "settled" by my age - but I'm not. ha ha.

Joy said...

I'm the same. I'm more of a cat lover -- because we're both independent. I cannot stand dog licking. Gross. I can't imagine people kissing their dogs. I mean -- just the stench of their breaths are repulsive. Haha., chihuahuas shrill, not bark...not the greatest for the ears.

Amy said...

Friend: A cat that barks! hahaha!

Ben: yes, you're right. Babies are definitely harder but you do deal with a lot the same things.

Katie: oh, tell me about it. those people who think they love their dogs like they love their children are definitely people who have never had children. i'm not sure how you can EVEN compare that. DOGS do not equal HUMANS. Period.

P.O.M. - yeah, i guess HATE is extreme. but at 3am, it's the emotion that predominates. I too feel I should be "settled" but I'm not sure i ever will really truly be. what does that really MEAN anyway?

Joy - I'm even okay without cats too but that's only because they have all that hair. If they were bald, it would be a match made in heaven! Lol.

Rachel said...

I was curious to see the comments after your open expression of dogs. I don't blame you. I hate the barking dogs too, I even hate Lily when I have to clean up her messes in the backyard and now I get to vacuum every other day to keep the carpets from looking like a dark film of her.
As for Ben and the cats, well I can't say that I love the cat that wraps their bodies around your legs and lick you with their sandpaper tongues, yuck.

Steve said...

At the risk of parroting another comment (I'll read them after I post this), it really sounds to me like you hate bad dog owners more than you hate dogs.

Personally, I hate cats... and women who drive SUVs. :D

Steve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

Steve: you do realize that I drive an SUV??? Lol, no worries. :)

Rachel: I don't know if Lily barks or not and i can love you as long as you don't live next to me.

Steve said...

Hehe. You don't say!!! :-)

The Napier's said...

YOur going to think this is funny, but my across the street neighbors (whose side of their house faces us and they are on an incline, needless to say we see into their back yard) have 2 german shepards that joylessly do the same thing. In fact, she and I are NO LONGER FRIENDS because of the annoying barking that they do NOTHING about!!!! We got into a year and a half ago and havent spoken since. They were doing something about it after the fight, but are now doing nothing. Every time we walk onto or front porch they bark at us. Her hubby would tell Chris that it was because they didnt know us. We've leaved here 4 years you stupid dogs, you should know us by now.

We have a dog, so I personally LIKE dogs, but as you Amy baby.... STOP THE BARKING!!!! Thats it, Im pumped up, Im calling animal control!!! - Sues

CelloBella said...

The older I get the less tolerant I get of dogs - or cats. And they can keep their nasty ball licking tongues to themselves. Ewww.

Patricia Rockwell said...

Although I do disagree with you on dogs, I am delighted that I am not the only negative poster around. Just got through complaining about cooking and gardening and feeling like the domestic police will be after me.

Hey, what's this that "Friendinme" says about Poms being "pseudocanines"? Never. Well, he is right about the barking.

Patricia R

Buffy said...

That's not a dog!It doesnt even have a real bark..all it does is yap yap!

I AM a dog lover...but of real dogs, not ones that fit in your purse.

Heidi Sue said...

I love dogs, I have two. But there is a fine line. My dad feeds his dog with a spoon. I tease him and say"Gosh, I wish you treated us that way when we were kids".
But on a more serious note I have two lab mixes. Cricket who is the best dog ever, and Tank who I wish I could choke. If people want dogs, they need to be willing to take the time to teach them to be good.