Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Is It Just Me Or...


Do you have a friend who just doesn't call you? Professes to be your great friend but then just will not pick up the phone?

And then you, on the other hand, possess lots of guilt for not calling them more (even if you're not that great at calling either). But the guilt is mainly because you realize that you don't talk to them much and then worry it's because you don't call them - only to figure out later that it's also due to the fact that they're not picking up the phone either?

You go through your caller ID and realize it's been like a month since they've even called your house?

And so...what do you do? Do you keep up the charade? Do you just accept the fact that you know they are your friend but just not good at making phone calls? Or do you just throw in the towel, realizing that the efforts you are making aren't being reciprocated and that effort is just making you bitter?

I've done both. But have never felt good about either decision. And am now faced with it again, and am sitting on the fence...maybe too long. What do you do?

10 backward glances:

Heidi Sue said...

That is a hard one, I always say the road goes both ways. But you could also say that she might be busy with stuff going on in her lif, you never know

brsibx said...

Oh, yep...been there. Most often it has been the busy syndrome. Good friends are usually good friends even if you don't speak very often. Even if it is once a year.

Christy said...

The above comment was mine. Don't know were the brsibx thing came from. SORRY!

Amy said...

Heidi: yea, i'm sure she's busy. we all are.

brsibx (I mean christy, lol): true, thanks for the clarity.

Childsplayx2 said...

My best friend from my childhood and I are still close. He lives in my hometown and I now live 600 miles away. He NEVER calls me. I'll pick up the phone every four to six months to see how he's doing.

But that's just him. I know that. I accept that. He's my friend and I love him even when I don't speak to him.

I think it's different for guys. We don't obsess over this stuff as much.

Lightening said...

Email is my BEST friend. I am HOPELESS at picking up the phone. In fact, it's almost a phobia.

But, if you're feeling unsure about the friendship, then maybe it is a sign? We do change over time and friendships change too.

My mother NEVER calls me. :( One time I decided to wait and see how long it might take her. Didn't speak to her for 9 months!!! Not even for Christmas. :( (Okay, I did break my resolve and text them). Only reason we were in contact after 9 months was because of a funeral (and she didn't call - we just both happened to go to the same funeral). So, yeah, it can be hurtful if you feel like things are always one way.

FRIGGA said...

I'm affraid I fall more into the category of the friend that never calls. I hate talking on the phone, so I use it to arrange plans. It's okay with me, I'd rather spend a few hours talking in person than chatting on the phone. :-0

The Napier's said...

For me, its like with you. If we dont talk for a while, its cool, I know were still friends and there for each other if we need each other. I know we love and care about each other.

With others in my life, it has been the same. Life is busy and its not always convenient to talk often. That is why I love the blog thing. You know I am here and that I am thinking about you, because I leave you comments. If, by the grace of God we get a minute to sit down to lunch together then that is a gift.

I wouldnt worry about it too much, unless the person is making you feel guilty and doesnt have the same understanding. Or if your making all the effort, maybe you need to have a little talk. I know you worry about these things because you truly love your friends and I think that is AWESOME!!

Sorry Im not much help. BTW, I hope this post isnt about me. : )

Amy said...

childsplayx2: and that would be the only reason i wish i were a guy.

lightening: that story about your mom was amazing! did she never notice that you'd not talked? my mom would go into withdrawals and show up at my house or something. well, i'm not sure what's worse, lol.

frigga: not me. i'm the girl people avoid. shoot, amy's calling. just ignore the phone!

susan: i'm so sorry you thought this might refer to you! we've been through this and no! you're find. i'm so sorry. you're awesome just the way you are! i'm totally the culprit there!

Steve said...

I think you're being a little harsh. Between 2 kids, one on the way, 3 big, slobbery dogs, a full time job, and trying to get to the gym twice a week and BJJ class 3 times each week (plus taking the kids 3 times each week too), I don't have a lot of spare time. I have friends... good friends, that I talk to once every month or two, if I'm lucky.

Just because we don't talk on the phone every day doesn't mean we're not friends. I'd still help them move or be there if they need me.