Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Dead Rats Are Troublemakers

Okay, Remy's not dead but he's a rat so he fits. Just go with it.

Remember I live on a busy street? Sometimes it sucks (like when I get garbage thrown on my lawn) and sometimes it doesn't (when I get to see all my friends walking or driving down the street and they wave - that happens a lot).

Today, it brought surprising events to my world, some good and some bad. Let's start with The Rat.

Mr. Dead Rat has been clinging to the sidewalk a few houses down tucked up against a brick wall for going on 3 weeks now. I discovered him while taking a walk. I thought to call someone and then thought about something else *poof* - it was gone. Until a week later I saw The Rat again and Bugs and I discussed it at length. Again *poof* - gone the instant I hit my front door because well, I'm a mom and have a zillion things to attend to (make that screams to attend to).

I've seen The Rat several times since then and hate it. It makes me feel like I live somewhere very urban and dirty whereas I actually live in a rather clean, small suburb. But today as I drove home I noticed some people gathered around The Rat and it took me a minute to realize it was my friend Kelly and her son. So I pulled over and commenced a yelling conversation over 2 lanes of traffic with her. Ever tried it?

Behind us about 30 yards was a classroom full of kids out on what looked like a fieldtrip to the grocery store - this I know because Bugs has one tomorrow. Boy, gone are the days when going to the grocery store constitutes a field trip. I'm thinking to myself what a marvel The Rat will be when they get up to it when all of the sudden Kelly and I hear this huge squeal of tires and then a crash. Right in front of us, a little car smashed into the back of another little car turning left.

Turns out the smasher was too busy watching Kelly watching The Rat, me - who was pulled over to check out Kelly watching The Rat, and the kids who were about to watch The Rat. She never had a chance. A person not distracted by this zoo of activity would have to be dead.

Later when the cop came to investigate the smasharoo, Kelly and I are still engaged in conversation, this time on my sidewalk, when a couple of bicyclists come riding by and they're shouting at each other to be heard over the traffic. And they're shouting the "F" word to each other. So here are Kelly and my kids standing there at our feet and I'm like, "Hey!" gesturing wildly to our kids like - "have a little respect you "f'ing idiots!" Haha, just kidding. But the guy turns around and starts shouting back at us "F, F, F, F" but the whole word just to be a total doughhead! And having absolutely no respect for the fact that children are sitting there listing to him. Bugs was like, "what did he say?" and I told her he was talking about pucks and hockey. She had a skeptical and distrusting look on her face but what could she do?

So, if you see a dead rat on your street, please call the City Sanitation Department immediately to have it removed. If you don't, you will likely get in a crash and have to explain to your kids why bicyclists would rather discuss hockey while they're riding.

It's all just another day in the neighborhood.

1 backward glances:

Becky said...

All I have to say is....
Well, I don't know what to say because any thing I would say wouldn't be as hilarious as this!
Thanks for sharing!