Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Children and Priorities

I feel lately like my head has been spinning off my neck and upon writing that phrase, realize it's something I've written before. It must be a common occurrence whether I like the feeling or not.
So this summer, with some help of Sandra, my phenomenal sitter, I finally addressed my priorities - #1, my family. I have cut down my work days by 2 hours a piece. Even better, I will be starting my work day later so that there's no way I can extend my day longer even if I wanted to. I used to say I'd be home by 3 but inevitably my days got longer and longer until the norm was 5pm.

I started this schedule this week when school started and so far I'm loving it! I never realized what difference 2 hours could make. And so far, I haven't been able to entirely devote those 2 extra hours to Tinkerpot, that's the goal. With so much stress in my life going on right now, those 2 extra hours a day have made the biggest difference to my peace of mind. Lol, that...and Crossfit.
Anyway, Bugs started first grade this week. I stood behind her as she sat at the little round table in her new first grade classroom and she pretended like I wasn't there. She even said something to me to the affect of, "Are you going to leave now?" and I felt a little foolish for clutching onto her apron strings. I got choked up not surprisingly. I felt like I needed to collect her and her backpack and lunchbox full of pb&j, juicebox and pretzels and run from the school screaming that this child can't possibly be ready for such BIGNESS. I'm not ready for such bigness.

Her teacher never formally asked us to leave, just let us parents skulk around until we felt awkward enough to try to inch invisibly toward the door, and then exit feeling you were one too many in a group of friends. I nuzzled Tinkerpot as we walked down the empty hallroom and made her promise me she'd never go to school. She said, "drink" as if that were supposed to appease me.

After the first pangs of separation were over, I have thus far rather enjoyed my freedom - if having a tortured 18 month old in tow is considered freedom, I'm making the most of it! So much more is accomplished when I don't have a chatterbox at my elbow, constantly interrupting me with requests for chicken nuggets, to play games and to help her find lost unicorns and other random problems. I always love her presence but am welcoming the time I have to get re-acquainted with my organizing side. Yay!

I could bore you further with the tedious details of my forays into small business ownership which has been a complete nightmare and a painful, frustrating experience but I'll spare It has absorbed my mind day and night for several weeks now but I am very nearly past this madness and am feeling liberated and strangely at peace. You've no idea what I'm talking about but know this...I am an awesome therapist...I am not an awesome small business owner. I know this. I own this. I love myself anyway.

3 backward glances:

siteseer said...

I remember when I put my youngest on the schoolbus... a neighbor, in the same position, and I did cartwheels and went back to her place for a 'quiet' cup of tea and bagels and cream cheese. Nope, we never looked back. My son is now married and has two daughters of his own so I guess I did okay. :) Fond memories.

Amy said...

ahh, that sounds wonderful. i'm sure once tinkerpot's in school full time, life will be totally different...awesome in another way. thanks for your thoughts siteseer.

Rachel said...

As sad as it is to see them go on the first day of school, I am SOOO grateful to drop them off each day to school NOW! My kids are so much better for their teachers than they are for me. I guess that's better than the other way around :)