Thursday, August 21, 2008

Difference Between Night and Day

As I lay in bed last night trying to fall asleep (sleeping in the day is no problem, it's getting to sleep at night that is tough - weird!), my mind was tormenting me. So much was going through my mind and I have a lot of stuff to think about.

I feel like there's more going on my life right now than in a very long time. It's freaking me out and the worst part is that most of it is on the down-low so there's not many that I can really discuss it with other than DH and a select other few. And you know, I'm just not that kind of person. "Discreet" is just not really a good adjective for me unless I'm your loyal and true friend and you've sworn me to secrecy!

But last night I was on a "poor me" kick and I was feeling so negatively about everything. My career (wasn't I just rejoicing about that like 2 days ago?), my social life, my physical self image, depression, finances - just overall stressing and making myself crazy. I was even ready to get up and post something like, "nothing to blog about today except but to spew negativity all over the internet - sorry."

I woke up this morning and it was all different. The sun was shining, I had energy. I wasn't sick and I was able to get a lot done today (actually cleaned my house). I felt good and I talked to a few friends that I thought might hate me after being silent and hermit-ish for so long.

So, after all...I don't hate myself and my whole life. I like me and my life. All of my friends are wonderful even the new ones I'm starting to make. I appreciate all of the thoughts and help I've received. I need to avoid the late-night pity parties.

10 backward glances:

Robyn said...

My mother has passed down a rule that has come through the generations...You aren't allowed to make decisions, worry, argue or think about finances after the sun has gone down. You have to 'shelf' it until the sunrises, and it's amazing just how much differently the outlook becomes! This is one "art" I haven't mastered, unfortunately. My mind gets all messed up and depressed at night, and I can't NOT think things through. Good luck!
Robyn

Tiffany said...

It's interesting that those feelings hit us so strongly at night, isn't it?

I know how hard it is when there is stuff you can't really talk to anyone about, and how monsters are created in the corridors of your own mind when you talk to yourself about it :) I am way impressed, and as difficult as all this is right now, I have no doubts it will all be worth it. Love ya :)

Heidi Sue said...

I am sorry that you were feeling that way. I too have nights like that. I just can't shut my brain off and relax at all. I have pity partys for my self all the time. I just want you to know that you are a great person, and everyone that knows you loves you no matter if you have been a hermit. We all have are days, week, months. I am glad you are feeling better today.

Steve said...

LOL... when I read your post, the first thing that occurred to me was, "Maybe if she didn't sleep so much during the day, she'd get to sleep at night!" :D

Glad you're feeling better. Walking in shoes that allow your piggies to be free might help. ;)

Oh, and we're day to day now. Our new baby could decide to arrive at any time.

Christy said...

Amy, I think your awesome. I was going to tease that you got your nights and days mixed up but it's the brain that won't turn off. Glad the sun was shining when you got up (both literally and figuratively) and that it continued that way throughout the day.

Amy said...

Steve & Christy: actually, the thought never occurred to me that my days/nights were mixed up but that actually makes a lot of sense. i didn't nap yesterday but still had a little bit of a time getting to sleep last night but maybe my body just needs to catch up. Steve, I'm so excited for your baby - please please post pics when the day arrives!

To all the rest of you: your kind words make me feel so much better. i wish i could have read them that night when i was feeling like no one in the world loved me. to think it now actually just sounds so pathetic and even somewhat ridiculous i'm even embarrassed to have written it. thanks again!

Rachel said...

A little sunshine for your soul. Bottle it up and save it for those dark nights. Hang in there! Can't wait to "see" you in a month. We are planning our Utah trip for late Sept. We can compare bellies :)

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Nicole said...

I'm a lot the opposite. Night is when I get my me time. No kids, etc. I'm happy and relaxed and get to blog. Life is good - even if I can't fall asleep.

When I wake up, it's "Mom, I need..." and spin, spin, spin. Maybe I need to just watch the sunrise sometime and see if that helps!

Glad you are back to your normal self. :)

josey said...

that's what i like about you :) you're a great bouncer-backer!

i'm glad to hear the sun was shining in your heart and your bright smile after a (good? hehe) night's sleep. you have so many wonderful blessings to be thankful for, and i appreciate how open and honest you are in sharing your life with all us in the blogosphere :)

hang in there and i will be praying that things calm down for you soon!