That Time of Life

My friend, Kelly and I often talk of the wrinkled little old people we see and how under all their wrinkles and gray hair, they are the same people they were when they were younger. That seems trite and obvious but it's sort of profound. It's sometimes hard to imagine all of the feelings, thoughts, memories, character and personalities that underlie each and every single older person. It's easy to categorize them and overlook them but I challenge you to look further.

I meet a lot of old people at work, and this week I met an 86 year old lady whom I talked to at length. She was brusque at first, but I pushed past it and sat talking to her for a long time. She's lost her stature, very gray and wrinkled. She has a hard time walking and came in for hip surgery because she fell and broke it. A typical patient. But while talking, it came out that back in the thirties when she was very young, she eloped to Idaho with her husband. They just couldn't wait and drove to Idaho in the middle of the night, got the Justice of the Peace out of bed and they were married at 4:00am. They had like 8 kids! I just couldn't help trying to imagine this little old lady as that extremely vital, excited, anxious young person very in love and driving up to elope! I asked her if she was pregnant and she laughed and said no, but that everyone thought she was.

She talked about all of the relatives she's known over the years, and stories for some of them, mostly from when she was younger. I thought of the people in my life - my sisters-in-law, friends etc. I realized with a jolt that this lady has probably seen many of them die already. That this little tiny lady who remembers being young, remembers being young with all of those relatives has likely experienced a great deal of death; lots of people she loved & cared about including that cute husband. She's a widow. It's a thought most of us adjust to and don't think about a lot but it was profound to me in that instant.

I talk of this today because my husband's grandmother is dying. She's had vascular dementia for the past 6 years and my DH's mom has been caring for her. DH drove to his hometown this morning to pay last respects before she dies. She's on hospice. I realized that only about a month ago, we were doing the same thing for my grandfather who lives in California. He actually is still living but I understand is not doing extremely well. With this grandmother, DH will have lost all of his grandparents. When my grandfather dies, I will have on my grandmother left. She's still very vital and active and hopefully stays that way. Of all my grandparents, I've always been closest to her. I even lived with her for a year before I got married.

My point in all of this is that it's funny. We are now at that point in our lives where were are experiencing the first touches of death that that little old lady has had so much of. It's part of life, and comes in small doses to get us used to it. It makes me a little sad.