Mindless Chatter

I accidentally took a nap this evening on the couch waiting for SP's bedtime. I woke myself several times by snoring! WTH - I don't snore! I even heard DH tell SP, "Is your mom snoring?" I've been married too long to be mortified - I think I just rolled over (and maybe tooted too), just kidding.

Now, 2 hours later, I'm not tired in the least but sitting here on my bed in as little clothing as I can manage because that's what's comfortable at 35 weeks pregnant, staring at my balloon ankles and feeling hot. And bored.

I don't want to read although I have an excellent book sitting here beside me. I've got several great movies on my computer just waiting to be viewed, and my iPod is stuffed with lots of awesome novels. I could just close my eyes and listen - no effort at all. But no, all I can do is think about sugar.

I want white bread with real butter and sugar - rolled up into a glucose injection. Or brownies. I'd even take a few shots of powdered sugar right now. Or Karo Syrup - YUCK!

I'm thinking about tomorrow and what it will bring. I have 5 Saturdays left of productivity before SHE comes. So much still left to do. Time's flying by. I got a lot done this week already and know I don't have a single day to spare if I hope to have most of what I hope to have done, completed by Feb 18th. I know I should just relax and enjoy the time I have left but my inner freak is freaking out. I remember regretting the lazy days I took prior to SP's birth and how insane my life felt after she came. How I wished I had been more productive and gotten more accomplished because I'm a stress case and can't help it.

Maybe this is my mission on earth - to learn how to not drive myself crazy with high expectations and enjoy the passage of life instead. I think I'll be on earth for a very long time.