Friday, January 9, 2009

A Little Panicky

We have a ritual around here at night. Most of you with kids probably do. But when the kid bedtime ritual ends, it's me time. Me - just me and either my computer, a movie, a book, my iPod or just bed. The point is, it's all my choice - whatever I choose to do with the remaining hours of the day, it's all mine.

I have 39 of these precious nights left before I make my little "deposit" and a crying infant disrupts nighttime bliss. Does it sound callous? Does it make me seem ungrateful for the desire of my heart? I am so excited for the birth of this kiddo if not just for the sheer relief to have my body back to myself. But I've prayed for this tiny girl for so long and she's almost here.

But let me be human for a moment while I lament saying good-bye for a year or so to consistent, uninterrupted alone time where I am guaranteed to be free from parental obligations for a period of 8 - 10 hours. I'm sure it's not going to be quite that long as I do remember feeling pretty confident in certain schedules by 6 or 7 months but getting to that point can be painful at times.

At least I'm not the attachment parenting type when it could be up to 5 or 6 years before I even get my child to sleep through the night in her own bed. I'd have pulled my hair out long before that ever happens.

Too selfish? Perhaps.

8 backward glances:

Tiffany said...

Okay, in my humble opinion...YOU ARE NOT SELFISH!!! I think you would be bordering on slightly insane if you didn't realize your life was about to change fairly significantly, and not want to relish the moment you are in a bit. So my advice, enjoy the quiet :)

Amy said...

hehe, don't worry. i am thoroughly appreciating AND enjoying it while it lasts, lol.

Kimmie said...

Girl I feel your pain. I think I look forward to when PJ takes both girls for the weekend. THEN I willhave me time. It is hard to come by and when I get it I am so thankful. That doesn't mean I don't love my girls. it just means that I need time too. Don't worry I think every mom feels that before they "deposit" Love Ya

B, C, and D said...

Yahoo I found your blog off of facebook! I'm totally with you on this one. Our baby is due in June and I'm already feeling a little nervous about how life's going to be turned upside down for a while. I hope you are doing well!

Carolee said...

One of the best things my wife did when our little man was born was to read the book, "The Baby Whisperer".

I would highly recommend it.

Rachel said...

You will get some 'me' time it will just be unscheduled time from what you have now. There will be nights the baby and SP get to bed early and you can have an hour to your self. Or it might be mid morning or day. There are just smaller spaces of time, you just have to relish those small moments. But trust me, at first its usually a toss up between sleeping and doing something productive.

Melissa said...

I am so excited for you! Hopefully your new baby learns to sleep through the night quickly for you!

Val said...

What a great blog....glad I stumbled upon you!

And I just had to comment on the quiet you talk about. What's funny is, in the beginning with two not much changes. You just lug this cute baby everywhere.

It in a year or two when the crap hits the fan! When the fighting and bickering and arguing over toys entails. But when bedtime rolls around, they beg to sleep together.....which begins the process over again. You threaten to take toys away, to send them to military school, just about anything to get them to sleep.

That's when it happens. The two of them sleeping with their heads touching. They can surely feel the breath of the other as they fall into dreamland.

So you sit and watch....the marvel of the sibling bond.

Good luck! Without the change, you would never discover the beauty!