Saturday, October 24, 2009

I Deserve To Be Fat

I had a rather unusual trip to Costco today and by the time I left, I was chuckling to myself at what a weird world I live in. Certain classes of people come out of the woodwork and converge together to form the menagerie you find at various social Costco. Here's the story...

I'm pushing my cart full of baby and other items down one of the main aisles. You know they're so crowded on a Saturday because of those vile food vendors who clog up the aisles I HATE THEM and cause so much confusion and unnecessary congestion. I see off to my left the last item I am looking for and considerately or so i thought I stop to wait for the person in front of it to move out of the way so I could move over there and get out of the stream of traffic. I get hit from behind from behind...on my heals, and you know how that smarts. I stop and sort of have an irritated look on my face as I turn around to make eye contact with the obviously stupid person behind me. She looks back at me like I'm the dope.

"Well, you stopped right in the middle of the aisle. You can't do that!" No sorry, not even an insincere sorry. And by the way, isn't that the most INANE thing you've ever heard? We're in a store stupid girl - all means you HAVE to stop so you can pick up items you need! I wanted to laugh out loud in her face. And so I said...

"Yes, you can! This is Costco!" I said this to her as she was walking away and I guess it really pissed her off, either that or she was having a really bad day because she got evicted from her single wide trailer on the banks of the Salt Lake because she walked her frumpy butt 30 feet over to where I stood and shouted in my face:

"You want to start something right here?" I nearly choked because I thought that was so funny. I said:

"You want to fight me right here in front of my kid?" She walked off and I just grinned and then I said something that distinctly shows I deserve to be fat.

"You'd probably just squash me anyway if you sat on me" I wished I could take it back the instant I said it. Sorry frumpy lady - I really don't deserve to be making fat comments. Please forgive me! She retorted:

"Whatever...pause....stupid bezatch" She yelled across the store as she walked away shaking her head. I did deserve that one.

I rarely run into someone who is aggressive and assertive as me and I wish that we both could get outside ourselves so we could laugh at how humorous the whole situation is. I mean seriously. Are we 15 or 30? I always have this funny little way of being outside of myself during moments like this and I can look really objectively at the situation and see how utterly stupid it is and I wish I could share those moments with the other person because we'd laugh and probably be best friends....aside from the fact that I verbally implied that she was a walrus. I seem to forget that it wasn't that many months ago that I felt like a walrus too.

4 backward glances:

Katie said...

First- I am laughing my head off wishing so bad I could have been there. Second- I had a totally different experience at the grocery store today- Elder Ukdorf was in front of me in the check out line and I chatted with him and it was AWESOME! Thanks for the giggles.

Amy said...

It was indeed hilarious. If you'd have been there, it would have been even better. You're just like me when it comes to stuff like that! But I would have rather had your experience! How amazing!

Amy said...

my sister just texted me and told me she peed her pants when she read this. is that good? hahahaha.

Rachel said...

he he he. aggressive chicka.