Saturday, September 29, 2012

My Marshmallow

Tomorrow is my 12 year anniversary to The Marshmallow, the name I gave to my hubby many years ago when he failed to live up to the rock hard exterior he'd always touted to be.  He's more like an M&M with marshmallow inside of it, truth be told.  He's all the gruff and grouchy until one of his girls gets hurt of she says she wants something. Then the chocolate melts and we can boing liberally on the marshmallow center.

Marshmallow people...not marshmellow.

Anyway, at this point in my life my reasons for valuing and cherishing my husband have changed since I was first married. Back then I wanted a strong provider, someone who was trustworthy, caring and a good listener. Someone who would be home each night and take me to breakfast on Sundays.  I also needed someone to support me through graduate school but that's a little truth we don't say out loud at the dinner table.

These days however, my needs are vastly different as they should be after this many years. I still need to know he'll be home every night but it's mainly so I can thrust the casserole serving spoon at him thereby transferring domestic responsibilities, tell him how horrible his children were all day, and finally feel like I'm not doing all of this alone. I exaggerate a little...I don't really "thrust", I give.

But more than a transfer of power at the end of the working day, I need him to be a good father to my kids. I need him to want to be here, to be engaged with the family and support me as the mom, the Supreme Being of All.  I need him to be "one" with me as we parent our kids. I still need him to be the provider but not in the ways I needed him to before. Now I need him provide the majority so I can do my best with our kids.

I know we all gripe about our spouses from time to time and we have our little "issues" that we deal with ongoing throughout the years.  But for the most part, what I have to gripe about is minimal and pretty inconsequential for the most part when viewed in the grandest scheme.

The Marshmallow has put forth a significant amount of effort this year in creating a safer and more fun haven for our kids.  Long has he wished for a sunken trampoline and a re-vamp of our back-back yard space.  In the spring, he dug a 12' diameter hole (4' deep) to sink the tramp, a feat which he did with a shovel, no less.  Today, he finished the little area by creating a large 12x8' sandbox next to the tramp. He hauled all of the sand by wheelbarrow down from the front to the back and if you know my yard, you know there is no access front to back besides stairs so using a wheelbarrow to transport load after load of sand isn't for the feint of heart.

Tinker loves the sandbox and she was instantly covered in sand the minute the sandbox was finished.  I happened to walk by a window a short time later and caught a glimpse of what I love about the Marshmallow summed up in one moment.  

What I love about this picture is that if you could have heard The Marshmallow talking this morning, you'd have thought the world was on his shoulders. He had "so much to do" today and it was going to take him forever.  A few minutes before this picture was taken, he was out front mowing the lawn and I assume he came 'round back to begin working on it and saw this little critter enjoying her new sandbox and he sat down to soak in her fun.  He does stuff like that...stops to "see" and experience those kids in ways I never do, or at least I don't think I do, not like I see him doing.  He genuinely experiences pleasure just in watching that kid play.  And so I love this picture because Tink is adorable in her little red glove (protecting her finger because she got a 2nd degree burn from touching the truck tailpipe earlier when we got home), as she plays in the new sandbox, Dad is enjoying his baby, and I get to look at all of his labors of love for the kids we made.

I included the below picture so you could also see the tramp better since that was the greater part of the battle.

I am so amazingly proud of this man not because he knows how to work, although for that I should be grateful also. But because he's not afraid to work hard for his family to make them safer and happier even for a short period in their lives. Sandbox lifespan: eh maybe 5 years??? Done.

I rarely tell him how awesome he is because I'm rude and horrible and he mades suggestive remarks about what we're going to do when the kids go to bed and it embarrasses me...wait, where was I?  Point is, I value him. My life would be awful without him. He is exactly who I needed when I didn't know what I needed at all.  How does that happen - we're so young and naive when we make these choices and amazingly they turn out to be the best choices we could have ever made.  It's almost like we're not making them on our own.....deep!

1 backward glances:

Rachel said...

I love this post. Open and Honest Amy. I miss you. I am so happy to hear you are still in love with the man of the house. And you know... its wasn't an accident that he has 2 little girls to care for, its exactly what he needed! Happy belated anniversary.