Waterpolo Angels

My sister, Renee, phoned this morning and said she was at our local recreation center watching her oldest daughter play waterpolo. She said she was going to stop by between games. I thought she'd come and just visit for a few minutes.

A short while later, she pulled up in front of my house and a car full of teenaged girls piled out holding pots of flowers they intended to plant in my flower beds in preparation for tomorrow's get-together. My sister had orchestrated the whole thing!

The girls got to work planting all of the flowers and they looked beautiful - the flowers looked great too! I was amazed at how fast they got the job done.

Renee has been so instrumental in organizing tomorrow's event. She practically created the menu, figured out the best place to buy all of the stuff, where the bargains were, helped buy some of the stuff, is personally making 1/2 of the menu, planted those flowers today, and helped to make sure we're not missing anything. I'm pretty sure it would have been a complete bust without her help.

Anyway, just a shout out of thanks to the Tooele High School Girl's Waterpolo Team and especially to my sister, Renee for their help today! You're awesome!

Family Quarrels

My sisters and I are entering an age where death is more prevalent among our elders (grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles etc.). Many of them have already died or are somewhere in the process of planning for that inevitable day unfortunately.

So my topic for today is "their stuff". What to do with it. And I'm not talking about useless bottles, unwanted rugs, old clothing. I'm talking about the stuff we DO want. That EVERYONE wants.

When my grandmother (dad's mom) died a year before I was born, his sisters "swooped" (isn't that the word everyone uses in this scenario?) in and absconded with all of the highly desirables before her children even made it there. Her children did not have the chance to inherit things like personal china, special furniture, sentimentalities. I don't own a single item of hers and unfortunately neither does my dad. I was visiting my great-aunt (grandma's sister) two years ago and she showed me the china she had taken, and there were a number of Ethan Allen furniture pieces that she owned as well. I plan to offer to buy the china when my great-aunt starts her will. The question is, was it fair of the sisters to do that? Was it right? I can't imagine doing that to my sisters.

There has already been a bit of contention about what items will go to whom when my other grandmother, Marilyn (my mother's mom) dies. She's been very open about her will and it's created a lot of conflict. I think I might ask to be taken off the will and after everyone receives what he/she wants, I might pilfer through the remaining to merely get a token of her after she passes.

My mom also has begun, in small part, to list her more precious items. I know the items she intends to give to me but I wonder how my sisters will feel about it. I don't know what they're receiving.

Similarly, in the past several years, occasionally she (and my grandma, Marilyn) will offer up items of worth that they no longer need. These items usually go to whomever has most recently expressed an interest or a need. Sometimes when the other sisters find out about it, there is hostility, and if not hostility than occasionally jealousy. There are fairness issues among about a zillion other things to consider. I recently received a dehydrator (the one I was talking about in my post a few days ago) from my mom. It has been in my family since I was a young girl. My mother didn't ask my sisters if they'd like it - she offered it to me first. It was a loan but yesterday she retracted the loan and then gave it to me. She said I should share it with my sisters. I plan to if they want it.

In thinking about the dehydrator and a number of other things that have been given to me and my sisters, I wonder about the fairness of it all. I know life's not fair but I know that this particular issue in many families has created such conflict that it has ruined relationships. My sisters are my best friends - no single item that any of my relatives own would be worth jeopardizing those relationships that are my most prized possession.

I've decided that from this day on, if something is offered to me from my elders, I will request they ask both of my sisters first if they would like it. That way they don't know that it has been offered to me first. Everyone will feel like they were asked first. Then, if they both turn it down, I will feel like I received it justly and no one will be angry. I think I'll even go back to my mom and grandma's wills and ask them to do the same thing.

Change of Plans

I left the house full of intention. I had lots of things to do in just a short amount of time.

So I get to the doctor's office after properly medicating Tinkerpot for pain. My appointment was set for tomorrow. They couldn't fit her in today. I rescheduled for Monday. Well, that freed up an hour which sort of made me happy.

The nail place wasn't open until 10 (it was 9) so I went to the flower shop to get corsages for my mom and grandma to wear to church on Mother's Day. Note to self: start saving now for corsages for next year. Those suckers are pricey!

Still, with time to kill, we hit Great Harvest for their free bread. But I felt like a hoser so I bought some bread while I was there. Another note to self: next time ask for a small piece to avoid the 1,000 calories I hate in BREAD. No, no one was forcing it into my mouth but I felt an honest compulsion to lick the crumbs off the table after eating the whole thing in 4 seconds.

Now it was 10 - so I ran over to the nail place. Another car pulled in at the exact time I did but since I had so much to get out of the car (slow kid + backpack full of activities to occupy her, kid in carrier + baby accouterments, me + my purse, blanket + everything else we might need FOR ONE HOUR) they beat me in there, and took my spot with the lady who does my nails - the only lady I'll let do my nails now. I had to reschedule for tomorrow.

On my way home, I got a phone call that my grandma was sick and wouldn't be able to make it to the luncheon today. Just wonderful. It seemed like my whole day was turning out to be a joke! While I sat there trying to figure out an alternate plan for the luncheon, since it was kind of important that she be there, it was decided my mom would just come anyway and we'd send my grandma's gifts home with her. They live together. I felt bad but there weren't many other options at that point. We ended up having a really good time and I suppose I need to just be happy that it didn't entirely get blown.

Interestingly enough, I found out today that I was accused of stealing money from a person who is close to me 11 years ago. I also found out that this person has told several others that are close to me that I did it, but this person never told me! How am I supposed to react to this? In the past 11 years, I have gone out of my way to be nice to her but now find out that she harbors a grudge against me and it colors all of our interactions. I'm blown away, hurt and extremely surprised mainly because I absolutely did nothing of the sort! I mean the thought of doing what I'm accused of is so far removed from anything I would ever think of doing that it's actually even a little funny. In matters like that, I am beyond reproach and I can say that and not feel even the slightest bit boastful. Hmmm. I have to think about this on how I intend to proceed. She isn't aware that I know at this point and my gut instinct is to march up to her and confront her. Not sure that's the best approach in this situation though.

Anyway, did get my gardening done today. Wish I'd done it earlier in the day - it's hot! Now that the Mother's Day luncheon is over, I can focus on Tinkerpot's blessing. I love that kid.

Is Today Thursday Already??

Where is the time going? Whatever! My life is flying by and I can't even catch it!

Today some of the craziness actually begins. We've got Tinkerpot's shots in an hour and after the way Bug's reacted to her 5 year old shots (like a freaking screaming mimi, I seriously was like, "Dude, that kid is NOT my kid!"), I am feeling exceptionally tender-hearted about today's round. And, not to sound utterly callous I do hope she sleeps really good after the shots though because I've got a nail appointment right afterward and it's always easier of she's sleeping! It's not really all about me though...just gotta fit it all in!

Later today my mom, Grandma and Renee are coming over for the Mother's Day luncheon that I posted about a few days ago. I made Katie's absolutely delicious Spicy Cashew Salad and will serve it with Renee's chicken salad sandwiches followed by strawberry shortcake. You have to try this salad though - it is wonderful! Here's the recipe and maybe I'll post pictures later although they won't do it justice because I'm using green grapes instead of red and the red ones make the salad LOOK as good as it TASTES.

Katie's Spicy Cashew Salad

3/4 cup cashew halves
4 slices bacon, coarsely chopped
1 T melted butter
1 T brown sugar
1 tsp rosemary
1 tsp curry powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

In a large dry skillet over medium heat toast cashews until golden brown, about 5 minutes. Remove and let cool in a dish (slightly).
Next cook bacon in skillet until crisp. Remove with a slotted spoon and soak up grease with a paper towel. Set bacon aside.
In a medium bowl stir butter, rosemary, curry powder, brown sugar, salt , cayenne pepper with cashews. Set aside.

Dressing:
3 T white wine vinegar
3 T dijon mustard
2 T honey
1/2 cup olive oil
salt and pepper to taste

in a small bowl mix all together and set aside.

Salad:
1 (10oz) bag mixed greens
1 pear sliced thin
1 cup red grapes halved

in large bowl toss dressing with salad ingredients and bacon. sprinkle with nut mixture.

Later...after everyone leaves I've got some backyard issues to tackle. Those flower beds that every May need a good overhaul - weeding, mulching etc. I'm actually excited about this because it looks like today is going to be a beautiful day. We're doing the blessing luncheon outside on the patio and honestly, there's a lot to be done out there before we can invite people over to see it. Yikes.

Again...lots to do...better get started.

Tuesday Thoughts & Stuff

I have decided to put Kelly Rippa on my black list of people I hate but also secretly love. It's so easy to hate her and yet love her at the same time. Have you seen those arms? OMG (for the record, that's Oh My Gosh for those of you think I'm swearing)! And she totally wears shirts in the summer just to show them off, people. But then again, so would I! And she's so cute that she's pukey ... but you watch in fascination anyway because she's just that girl next door that is impossible to truly hate. I'm making no sense ... except if you totally know exactly what I mean - and you know you do!

Yesterday me and Bugs processed the very last remaining cartons of strawberries I had amassed in my kitchen since last week. We dehydrated them - a very simple process if you have a dehydrator, might I add, which I do. And I love the thing. I dehydrated like 2 flats of strawberries (yummy!) and 15 lbs of bananas (CANDY!). I also made, with Renee's help, about 45 pints of strawberry freezer jam, which is really strawberry flavored sugar jam. Ooh, that stuff is divine!

I took this picture of Bugs holding the strawberries and as I was checking my cameras settings, she reached down and grabbed a huge handful of strawberries from her rack and stuffed them in her mouth which resulted in the funniest look on her face as she realized I was going to take another picture. She's a poser, and she couldn't pose with her mouth full! But she tried! Shoot, while uploading these pics I realized I don't have one of that mouth full pose. That's too bad - it was awesome.
I got a dose of envy at Renee's house last week when I inadvertenly opened her "medicine cupboard" and found it ultra-organized ... like a nurse would do. But then I remembered, "oh, she's in nursing school!" And then it made sense. So yesterday I was lamenting over the fact that she was more organized than me in this area so I decided to rectify that STAT. Looking at my medicine cupboard, one might think I'm sort of a hypochondriac...when in fact I really just like to be prepared. It's a religion thing...what can I say?

Before....


After... yay me (and Renee)...

More Construction

Last week we received notification that construction would begin again on our street. You remember what happened last time there was construction... great!

I could have sworn that construction happened just last year but it was actually nearly two years ago. Wow! Time flies. This time they're repaving the entire street for a stretch of about a mile. That's the trouble with living on a busy street. They're always doing stuff to it. I mean it always eventually benefits me...like with a new awesome sidewalk, and finally a smooth road instead of the incredibly bumpy one we've been driving on for who knows how long.

But it's a pain. They told us we'd have limited access to our driveways for an entire month. I'm not sure what "limited" means but it really sounds like it will be limiting, XD.

Yesterday the tearing out process started and is continuing today which is what this picture is. The Marshmallow knows all the technical terms for this equipment but I just know it's a big, noisy machine that tears up asphalt and spits it into another truck. I don't know if you can see the drop off but it's currently about 12' away from my driveway and if I want to get out, I drive on the dirt for about 1/4 of a mile to the "ramp" they've made to get back onto the normal road.

When they lay the new road I'm sure I won't be able to get in my driveway at all which will suck really bad because I'm carrying quite a bit to the car and back right now with the baby and all. Maybe I'll just go stay at my big sister's for a week. Always looking for an excuse to do that!

What's Going On This Week

I was making a plan of what I wanted to accomplish today and I realized that I actually have sort of a busy week. So I've had to revise my Master Day Plan and change it to sort of a Master Week Plan if I'm to get ready for this coming weekend which happens to be Mother's Day too.

We're having Tinkerpot blessed this Sunday and after, we're having a small family get-together with some brunch items. I've got most of the food for it but I need to take the meats and have them cut into slices at Winegars sometime this week. Salads are being pot-lucked as are drinks and chips. I should think about a dessert or something. Any quick yummy ideas?

Since I'll have company this weekend, I've got to get both spare bedrooms in shape, which ...ehem...means I need to move back into my own bedroom and likewise Tinkerpot. We've been holed up in the same room for the past month to make it easier on mom when she wakes (which she doesn't do much anymore). Really it's so that if she cries for a minute or two, it doesn't disturb The Marshmallow who feels the need to pick her up if she utters a squeek.

So that means quite a bit more laundry..sheets and such.

Renee and I are hosting a Mother's Day luncheon here at my house on Thursday. I have a bit of shopping to do to get ready for that. Incidentally that same day are Tinkerpot's first shots and I'm nervous about that. I've forgotten what Bug's shots were like at that age except for how traumatic it was for me.

So all in all...here's what I have to get done this week.

1. sweep/mop
2. load of laundry a day
3. do 15 minutes of de-cluttering in 1 area each day
4. clean the litter box!
5. hang the shelf to put my plants on
6. work on my next wall of pictures
7. shop & prepare for Mother's Day luncheon
8. shop & prepare for blessing get-together
9. pictures of Tinkerpot in her blessing dress
10. family home evening planned and executed!!!
11. start thinking about invitations for Bug's birthday party

On the personal fitness front, I did run this morning (yay!) with Kelly, who is my newest running partner! We're not going far yet but we are working on it and it feels SO GREAT! I came home and did one of my P90X workouts for core strengthening which sucked. My core is jello right now. I lost 5 lbs. last month doing this P90X thing - then gained back 1. O-well. But my goal this week is to get back on track. I plan to run at least 4 days this week followed by one of the P90X workouts each day, at least 5 days.

My eating needs a little work too. I'm only eating about 1400 calories right now and so far it's not affecting the milk supply fortunately. I have plenty :). But the P90X program, at this phase has a 40/40/20 (protein/carbs/fat) percentage split and my goal is to eat as close to those percentages each day this week. It's not as hard as the last phase was which was 50/50/20. Yikes, that was hard.

So that's my week in goals...like it or not. Gotta get it done. Good thing I'm getting plenty of sleep. Better get working!

The Easter Bunny

The Easter Bunny brought SP, otherwise now known as "Bugs", a yummy looking hollow milk chocolate Peter Rabbit Easter Bunny (reference pic).

Bugs has a rather unique fondness for all things cuddly. I suppose she thought that this Peter Rabbit Easter Bunny could be cuddly because she refused to eat him on the premise that he was "too cute". So now, I've had this ginormously delicious-looking chocolate bunny (milk-chocolate, mmm my favorite!) on my counter for 3 weeks.

I'm certain she's forgotten about him and would not even notice if the bunny were to end up in my tummy one night. I give myself a lot of credit for not inhaling him already. If it weren't for the possibility that she just might notice, I think I would have eaten him already. What would I say? "He's gone home to Flopsy and Mopsy?"

Ugh! What does a mom do? I want him: I don't want him.

The Grumpy Hole

When SP is grumpy, I tell her if she doesn't snap out of it, she has to go sit in the grumpy hole outside until she feels better. She's still young enough that she has to really inspect my face for truth when I make a statement like that. But I'm like a mime...there's no expression.

I sat in the grumpy hole today for a long time.

I don't know why I was so pissed off all day but it was one thing after another. Tinkerpot bawling away during her nap just put me on edge. SP bawling that "I want my Daddy" - what, you like your Daddy better...well, go get him. Get out of my hair!

Was it that The Marshmallow's transmission did whatever it is that transmissions do when they decide they don't want to do what transmissions do anymore. What the transmission is doing now is costing us $3,000 that we don't have. These blessings that teach patience are not appreciated...yet.

I did not get a shower today. I only got 1/2 of my laundry done. My taxes are STILL NOT complete. My anticipated weekend activities are making me less than enthused. I burned plastic onto my iron. I forgot about Easter: dying eggs, putting up decor, accumulating necessary Easter accoutrement for a 4-year's Easter experience. Do you want anymore reasons? I've got lots..................................................................

I'm feeling much better right now though. Tinkerpot's asleep at my side. The house is quiet. I'm blocking out all of my responsibilities (my compartmentalization personality is awesome in times like this). My time is my own until I decide to go to bed which should be soon if I hope to get the appropriate amount of sleep I need to function in my world.

Sorry to verbally barf all of you tonight. But thanks for your "ear".

My Body's In Here Somewhere!!!

I'm not sure what happened, but my real body has disappeared beneath a few layers of fat! Where did said fat come from? I've no idea! Seems to me I've not discarded my real body anywhere; if anything, I've only contributed to my real body. I've been making offerings to it for months in hopes that it will appreciate the good life it's got around here in the form of Oreos, french fries and Twizzlers! Apparently it didn't appreciate the good life and has since moved onto greener pastures.

What's left? Some bulges over my pants, a closet full of clothing I don't fit into, and a little bulge under my chin that causes me extreme angst.

So after I got the go-ahead from the doctor last week, I decided on a rather extreme dieting and exercise program that if stuck to surely will entice my real body to come back from hiding. I started yesterday. Can you say, "ouch"? I can...everytime I stand up! This is not for the faint of heart people! I'm talking serious ouch exericses daily and a diet that leaves much to be desired...like oreos, doritos and twizzlers (not to mention anything with carbs and/or fat in it since anything like that is disallowed).

You might be saying (and I want to be saying) "come on, you just had a baby not even two months ago. Cut yourself some slack!" Yeah. That's how I got myself into this mess in the first place! Slack Shmack! Cutting slack will make me just like every other overweight mother who after several children has gotten used to her grossly misshapen body and never does anything about it. I refuse to be that mother. I'm a trim mom (I have to tell myself these things). I'm a mom who enjoys exercise (that's not a lie). Now I just need the body to back up these stories, er I mean statements.

Anyway, blah blah - I'm doing this thing. I'm putting myself out there (not so far as to show you my fat pictures because that's hideous), but I have to be accountable. I have a blog for this, of course. It's not a new blog, but rather one I put on hold while I was pregnant. I'm back at it now. Watch me go! Literally.

You Know Those...

tubes of refrigerator biscuits? Anyone else completely mentally compromised and not able to follow package directions? I can't ever seem to get the diagonal paper to tear off accurately and so I have to dig at the crack with a spoon until the biscuit tube explodes...consequently making me nearly pee my pants.

That's my newsworthy happenings from today.

So Sue Me

My Jeep was done around tenish this morning so I was able to make it to my appointment with the accountant to get our taxes done. Is there a more dreaded task? It's as if you sit there and await The Man sending down your verdict. I owe what?

It actually didn't get to that point. I've never actually itemized before and this year because both Todd and I are self-employed, we can't avoid it. I came away with more to do than I can possibly manage in a year to collect all of the information he needs. I guess I know what I'll be doing for the next few days and nights. What am I doing blogging? Procrastinating the inevitable - avoiding, hiding, denial, basically putting my head in the sand. So what?

So the title of my blog is about this next item which I'm sure is very controversial but it's my life and I'm living it. I've mentioned my binky war from time to time - perhaps you've engaged in your own battle at various times in your life. I know it'll be a good thing but I'm having a hard time seeing past TODAY.

So I got some non control top panty hose, and cut strips out of them, tied little knots to the binky and wrapped the loop around Tinkerpot's ears. She is easily able to push it out of her mouth but there's just enough pressure to keep it from falling out every time she moves. There's absolutely no way she could choke on her puke, if that were to happen because the panty hose isn't tight. But it works. She's been in her crib for 1/2 hour now and I haven't had to go in there a single time to stick it back in. It's amazing. Truly.
Before you judge me, know that I talked to at least 5 other women who have attempted this in one way or another. I am not alone in my bad parenting. I'm just a mom working it out!

Today - Another Exciting Day at the Homestead

I'm doing my almighty best to stick close to home with the Tinkerpot until RSV season has mostly done its worst. It's hard because I'm not a stay-at-home kind of girl. I mean, it sounds good for a few days but I get the itch to get out - anywhere: pharmacy....pet store..... ...... to get some marbled meats. Whatever.

So here I am ... in my house ... wondering what I can do to keep myself amused. Looking around it seems there would be endless opportunities for entertainment but cleaning the litter box and polishing my silverware is just the sort of thing I need to avoid in order to ensure I don't exceed my capacity for self-imposed jolly.

So I had a little affair with my new double-barreled curling iron today. Did I mention there's a science to its utilization too? You can't just whip it up into your hair and expect perfection. Especially with my hair. My hair can have a mind of its own. So here's the after pic from today's venture.
Not bad I think. Of course it's too bad that I look so fabulous today considering I have nowhere to go. That figures.

Later I found that I needed to drive my Jeep over to the dealership to find out why there's a puddle amassing under it whenever it's parked. They told me it's transmission fluid. Whew - thank goodness it's not SOMETHING TERRIBLY EXPENSIVE. So not only did I not go anywhere but the dealership today, I'll be housebound again tomorrow since the Jeep will be in the shop. Super Sweet. Tomorrow I'll be wracking my brain again to invent new and interesting ways to waste 12 hours. Any ideas?

Ooh Ooh Ooh - guess what? Guess who's back? Yea - my ankles! Wanna before & after to refresh your memory?

Facebook is Sucking Me Dry

It's like I have nothing to bring to the table once Facebook is done with me for the day. No witty commentary to share with the blogosphere. And it's not as if nothing interesting happens to me. Plenty of stuff happens. Like...hmmm...like, oh! i bought a new curling iron today. One of those double barrel numbers that's supposed to crimp up your hair. I don't know. I worked with it and made a real mess of my mop. I should do it again tomorrow and post a pic. Frightening!

Oh, and I need to wax my eyebrows tomorrow too. At $10 a pop, I recently decided I'd take on this skill and save myself the money. Let me just say that it's not something you learn overnight. It's a good thing I don't go many places. Eyebrows should be symmetrical - a trick that is definitely magic.

Hmmm. And finally... my binky war. I have completely lost it (that would be "how many times can I get mom to race into my room and re-insert the binky in my mouth" war). Ever played it? I'm not feeling the love. SP sucked her thumb. That sucker (haha) never needed a re-insert!

Am I getting a cold? Now that would be interesting.

Two Little Girls and Make-up

SP's friend Bethanie visited today and they asked to play with some kids' make-up that SP got for Christmas. This was the result. The glitter was part of some "glitter perfume" that is seriously intoxicating, and not in a delicious, sexy way. It's disgusting and my whole house smells like it. I guess every girl has to experiment with make-up or we'd never get good at it. Now that I think about it, perhaps some girls didn't experiment enough with it. After Bethanie left, SP told me she wiped off her own make-up because she thought she looked like a witch. At least she's aware!

Please...Can Time Slow Down??

I did a little photo session with this baby today to commemorate her one month birthday. I'm shocked that it's already been a whole month that she's been in my life. I am already so addicted to the way her breath smells, how soft her skin is, all of her little sighs and snorts, and her calming influence upon my life...and our home. I call her Tinkerpot, which is an abbreviation for "Stinkerpot" and I've no idea where I got it from. So to supersede all other names I might have been calling her, this is her new bloggy name. I just love this little Tinkerpot.

Going With the Gut

There have been three times in my life when I have met someone who I felt compelled to keep in my life forever. Just three! One of them occurred when I was fresh out of high school, young and impressionable and needed direction. And no, it was not The Cowboy. Just for the record, these are girlfriends I'm talking about because a girl just has to have her friends, right? This person has been in my life my entire life but I only felt strongly about her after I came into my own, so to speak.

The second happened when I was in graduate school and although this person and I had not much in common except a career choice, nevertheless I felt that if I let her escape, I'd regret it eventually. So I didn't. And she literally has opened up worlds to me.

The last time has actually happened repeatedly with the same person each time I am around her. I've known her since I was 22 and at that young age, I thought things of her that weren't kind. I was too self-centered to see her for what she really was - an amazing person. I've been her acquaintance since then but never a true friend. But each time I see her, I tell myself that I'll really regret it if I don't pursue a friendship with her more aggressively. I saw her again yesterday and those feelings again presented themselves. Two other times have given amazing and everlasting results. I can't be wrong a third time.

Best Night's Sleep Ever...

Last night...it seriously was! Despite the fact that I was up every few hours to feed Little Tiny (the Baby's new name - I call her that all the time, I don't really know where I picked it up from!).

See, for the last 8 to 9 months, my available sleeping positions have been side...and...more side. Sleeping on my back made me feel like my lungs were collapsing and my aorta was being pinched off and of course tummy sleeping was out. But my arms continually go numb after about 30 minutes of side sleeping so needless to say, sleeping has not been that enjoyable for a great while!

But last night...ah...I thought I'd try tummy sleeping again even if it meant squashing my ... other parts. It seems my abdomen has healed enough for tummy sleeping to be possible because I gingerly laid down, shifted a little...moved over slightly onto the little "bump" between The Marshmallow and my side, shifted again and drifted lazily into the most amazing sleep ever!

Things just keep getting better and better!

I'll Get Used To It

ooooh. so cute.

I couldn't put it off any longer and had to get to the grocery store for necessities. You know, blush, gum, and Diet Dr. Pepper (my new addiction, argh!).

Little did I realize what I was taking on now with 2 children. And while it definitely was do-able, it took my full attention. What do my friends with 4 do with their children while they shop?

I have a nearly 5 year old who still likes to sit in the front seat of the cart and had a hard time adjusting to the fact that she was relegated to the car-thingie attached to some carts or the alternative...good old fashioned walking! She decided to ride in the car. Then, put the baby carrier on top of the cart, not only could I barely see around the cart, since I'm so short, I can't see over it either! Fortunately my grocery store doesn't stack huge displays in the middle of aisles like some stores I know and avoid like the plague.

Then there's my surgery that's still healing and I'm shlepping the baby carrier in and out of my car which is painful, and pushing an ultra heavy cart around the store. I'm sacrificing for the cause. Gotta have the Diet Dr. Pepper!

I imagine the entire trip took 4x longer than it will in a few months because I'll be used to it and have a little routine with the carts, the Jeep, SP and where she stands so she doesn't get run over while I'm getting Baby out ..... etc, etc, etc.

To add a little fun to the trip though, I hit Deseret Industries and bought "fat clothes". I literally had "fat clothes" on my shopping list. I'm in worse straits than when I was pregnant because I'm not in maternity clothes anymore, yet I can't fit into anything I wore prior to getting pregnant. It's extremely interesting every morning as I try to figure out what will fit ... and what I can nurse in. And then to have the poo geyser (from yesterday) all over my one outfit that I fit into ... well, let's just say it's just nothing but a barrel of monkeys around here.

Motherhood Indoctrination

If I wasn't fully indoctrinated into motherhood by my first daughter, then today's misadventure has ushered me in complete with a membership badge!

So there I was changing her diaper on my bed. I had her in the typical diaper changing posture - sort of spread eagle and I was applying the diaper rash cream which requires even a little more spread eagle pose. All of the sudden, it was like a poo geyser - only fast...and a lot! I literally was covered. Every single piece of clothing I was wearing, including my glasses, and all that she was wearing, AND all of the bed linens, and the bed frame behind me, were covered in baby poo. Yeah, that stuff that stains everything that comes remotely in contact with it.

I sat there stunned for a few minutes covered in my baby's poo, sort of startled by the power of the blast! And then I looked at the mess through poo covered glasses and started to giggle, then laugh out loud, glad that there were no witnesses. I mean, if you can't have a sense of humor about stuff like this you'll drive yourself nuts!

I Caught Him In the Act

Yesterday The Marshmallow and I were talking about compliments. Like how many husbands regularly tell their wives they're beautiful or whatever. He NEVER tells me I'm beautiful - it's just not his style. And 14 + years with him is evidence that I truly don't really care just as long as I can tell that he loves me in other ways. And he does, like what he did here just because I was pregnant. (ooh, how great it feels to say WAS PREGNANT, lol!)

I did argue though that a woman likes to hear that her man is attracted to her just every now and then. His reply was, "well, you've never had a black eye, have you". Now that's love isn't it? Don't get worried - he has a funny sense of humor and the man, although has been pushed to the limit has never come close to blacking my eye, lol. He also said that he tries to show me he is attracted to me in other ways. He said, "we have two kids, isn't that proof?" I said, "yeah, either that or you REALLY love kids!" His romantic side just makes me giddy.

So to get on with my story, I have a little more back-tracking. Remember my bird-feeder that Kelly gave me for Christmas? The birds have eaten the heck out of it and it now sits, dejected and empty. It makes me sad to see it just dangling there with no winged visitors. But being so pregnant, and with a foot of snow on the ground, I didn't trust myself to climb up to fill it. And then after the baby came, I couldn't find the ladder. I mentioned this to The Marshmallow and he said I should put the feeder somewhere where I can fill it without risking my life. I asked him where the fun was in that!

Skip to this afternoon. I came downstairs after a lovely 2 hour nap and couldn't find him. I poked my head outside and I caught him trotting across the lawn holding a stick with something weird on the end. He grinned sheepishly at me. Now, sheepish is not a look I see often on his face so I thought to investigate further. I watched him as he walked over to the tree with the bird feeder, hoisted the stick up so a little black funnel thing hung over the mouth of the feeder. He pulled a little string and the funnel tipped to pour birdseed into the feeder.

So he doesn't tell me that I'm beautiful, but the man adores me - and I caught him showing me.

Being Short

We all went to RC Willey this afternoon to look for a new rocker for our front room. I really thought we had enough rockers already but The Marshmallow wants me to be able to rock the baby in every room of our house, so why should I complain?

We looked at quite a few rockers and I had to take my shoes off for each one because most of the time my feet don't reach the floor in a rocker and it's so uncomfortable when I try to rock. I literally have to push off with my tip toes and sort of scrunch down so I can keep it going. It's pretty uncomfortable. Don't laugh! Yeah, I'm 5'1" and it can be inconvenient sometimes!

The Marshmallow has pretty long legs which is a problem for us because furniture that works great for him inevitably sucks for me. Like all the rockers he looked at. So we decided that buying a La Z Boy might be a good idea. The problem is that most La Z Boy's are built for average folks of average height. I am NOT average height and I feel like a little kid whenever I'm sitting in one. My legs dangle over the edge and the neck roll hits me right square in the back of the head instead of the neck forcing my head forward at a most awkward angle. Terrible.

I finally had to sit in nearly every single chair before I finally found one that was made for a shrimp like me. It reminded me of Goldilocks - you know, Papa Bear, Mama Bear and Baby Bear's individual chairs. Mama Bear's chair was medium sized, just like this little chair I found for myself. It's quite a small chair and when The Marshmallow sat in it, his legs buckled up under his chin and he said it was nearly the most uncomfortable chair he'd ever sat in. Well, I said, good thing it's for me! And because he loves me, he bought it.

Life As We Know It

...has changed. My house is a disaster but I only have eyes for this little brown-haired beauty in my lap all day long. Anyone who dares try to take her from me gets the stink-eye! And that includes The Marshmallow.

Everything has slowed down - like my home has its own metabolism and it's barely chugging along. Meals haven't been regular and thank goodness we have tons of food in the fridge. Showers are happening sporadically (and my hair just doesn't get done!). Laundry gets done if we need clothes but not regularly. And my goals for each day include ...nothing. There's lots of sitting around staring at Baby's face, chatting on the phone, playing games with SP and of course, nursing.

And I'm in heaven. If I was worried about postpartum, then I shall worry no more. I've not been happier in my life.

The Numbers Are Proof

The day I got home from the hospital, I stepped on the scale and I had only lost 14 lbs. Chalk 1/2 of that up to actual baby, and the other to all the fluid she was floating in and you're probably close to 14 lbs.

I got on the scale again today, 3 days later and have now dropped 25 lbs from my top pregnancy weight. 25 lbs! That's awesome!

Not exactly into anything I formerly could wear and not nearly looking anything remotely like I used to but 25 lbs isn't too shabby. Plus, I still have a lot of water still hanging around. My feet aren't down to normal yet, and neither are my legs. But it's definitely a start.

The 2nd Child

Well, at the close of the second day having (hmmm, what do I name her - I still don't know) the 2nd child home, all is calm on the homefront. Much more calm than I anticipated frankly.

We had a somewhat troubled night with her waking up each hour until 3 when she finally crashed until 7 and that was great. I was tired during the day but was able to get a nap with The Marshmallow's help. Not that it was difficult as 2nd Child slept all day long which isn't a good sign for things to come tonight. What do you do? If you don't expect to be up all night the first month of a child's life than you've got some serious disillusionment problems.

Mainly because she sleeps all day long, there's not much change in what was going on around here before, other than I have a pretty sore tummy along the scar-line. Other than that, it's pretty typical with several nursing breaks. I'm sure it'll change here soon and it'll be nice to see her pretty peepers more.

Today, a large portion of The Marshmallow's family came to visit and they stayed only a few hours. They all came bearing clothing gifts for 2nd Child, greatly appreciated since practically none of her clothing is brand new.

SP is having a strained time adjusting though. Too much attention for 2nd Child, too much disruption in what she knows to be the typical schedule, and too many gifts for 2nd Child. We've already had several pouting sessions but I've been told it only lasts for a couple of weeks. I'll be glad to see the end of it as it truly makes me feel awful. I really haven't ever had to compromise the attention I've given to her and it hurts my feelings almost as bad as it hurts her. (Except that I have another little snuggle-bunny to mack on in the meantime - and don't think that I don't smother her constantly!)

We're Home!!

After what seems like an eternity, we have finally brought home our beautiful baby girl. We couldn't be more thrilled. It's like she has completed our family - she just fits right in, so naturally.

The surgery went well. Better than expected; far better than with SP. The recovery was LEAGUES better. And my 3 day vacation was fabulous! I couldn't say anything better about Lakeview Hospital. It was the most fantastic experience. And every single nurse and other person that saw to our care was terrific!

My little girl was 7 lbs 6 oz and 20" long. She has such darker skin than SP and dark hair vs. SP's blonde. Weird. She's a GREAT nurser already and takes her binky really well. She's just cute as a button and we are IN LOVE! SP is showing signs of jealousy but she's also very intrigued too. She wants to help so much; we're lucky to have her.

Anyway, thanks for all your thoughts and emails about what was happening with us. We're all doing great and happy to be home!

I Can't Be Sure But...

I think I might actually be in the very first stages of labor. And, since it creeps up on me so slowly, I might be feeling exactly like this for a whole day.

It seems like last time I felt like this all day and finally went to the hospital at around 11pm but of course they sent me home because my progression is so slow.

Anyway, it's nice to know that my c-section isn't scheduled too soon and that the baby is actually ready to come out. In any case, I'll probably have the baby according to schedule tomorrow morning as planned.

But you never know...

Down to the Last Day

So, if you knew that your life was about to change monumentally, and that from this day forward the simplest tasks would become harder than you ever could imagine to complete, what would you do with that last day?

Most women don't usually know what day their lives will change - they go into labor when their bodies say so instead of "scheduling" it. Well, I guess this day and age, more women are getting to choose but for the most part it's sort of thrust at us. The baby comes when it wants to not when we want it to.

So I'm standing on the precipice of my last day functioning the way I'm used to. I have nothing planned for tomorrow. I worked my last day today. I am NOT planning to do housework or laundry other than the minimal amount. I'm probably not going anywhere since SP is still a little sicky. My mom is coming to give me a massage in the afternoon but other than that, nothing. So I have virtually the whole day to do...what? I don't know.

What would you do?

Great, Just Perfect

We've been relatively unaffected by the cold and flu season this year except for a brief bout early in November. I had a flu shot and perhaps consequently have remained perfectly healthy in that respect fortunately. I know being sick with the flu while pregnant is like stabbing oneself repeatedly in the eye with a steak knife.

However, SP woke this morning with a horrendous cough. And I thought, "now? -are you serious?"

I'm not used to being concerned about her ever making anyone else in the family sick (we're adults and can handle it better) - just the opposite. It's always a wage against the rest of the world so that SHE doesn't get sick. But I find myself fast-forwarding two days to when she's holding my brand new baby...and coughing all over her.

Ugh. At least I have a couple of days to try to get her better. I feel bad being mainly concerned for the new baby but hey, I've spent nearly 5 years being solely concerned about SP's health. I've seen too many RSV babies and it literally scares me to death!

p.s. I think it's time I picked a new bloggy name for SP. It just doesn't seem right anymore, does it? Ideas? Oh, and I'll need one for the baby too.

Body Stats

Just for kicks, I took my measurements today. Keep in mind my due date was yesterday. Do I enjoy torturing myself? I must.

Keeping track of my body stats is a slight compulsion of mine and I've been logging them on a spreadsheet for about 6 years. The last time I took my measurements was 3 days after I got pregnant so it's interesting to see how my body has changed this past 9 months. It's absolutely unreal how many inches this body has put on. One can only hope it's mainly water!

Since I don't plan to be pregnant ever again and currently weigh more than I have ever (or ever will again), it's interesting to see how "big" my body really is with all this baby & water weight. My feet alone, measured around the middle are 10"! My ankles are also measuring 10" around!

You want to see something funny? I swore I wouldn't share this but what the heck. It's hilarious! Can the real ankle please stand up?I can't wait to see my real ankles again, lol! (and my real waist, and belly, and knees, and neck, and....)

My Treehouse Treasures

A few days ago, I downloaded the whole Season 1 of Heroes. I've always wanted to watch it but missed the first few episodes in the very beginning and that always just messes me up with a TV mini-series. There's rarely a time in my life when I can get away with watching an entire series of a TV show in just a few days and fortunately, right now is one of them. It took me like 3 days to watch 18 episodes! And! - I just downloaded Season 2 - so here I go again (but this is only 11 episodes because of the writer's strike). That's where I've been.

Anyway...
I have lots of friends who often ask me who my source is for all of my vinyl lettering projects, of which I have a ton of them around my house for various seasons. And most of them have been custom requests - like I get a blank spot and think of something cute I want somewhere and I just make a phone call to my friend Jennifer of My Treehouse Treasures.

She recently got a website and an Etsy shop so I thought I'd share the wealth. I get no profit from this endorsement, I just think she is seriously awesome and know a lot of my friends would like in on my source.

Speaking of cute projects though, she has the cutest season signs that she does. I have one for nearly every single season AND holiday and if there's one that I want that she doesn't make, she'll create one. She's that cool. About a week or two ago, I did the Valentine's Day plaque (pic) but I have one for Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, St. Patricks (?, I think), and 4th of July (super cute) too. She charges $12 for these season/holiday kits which I think is really reasonable.

She also does wall art (like I've done in my nursery which I'll post), tiles and lots of other wood plaques, magnet boards, etc. Check out her sites!

The Latest Casualty

This is NOT my fault. It's Not! I promise.

I've done everything possible in my power over the past year to save the life of this clown fish who, I swear, is suicidal. And you know this! I've posted several times about the things I've done to protect his little life. But I'll recap it for you.

Shortly after we got the fish, the tiniest one came down with Ich - a disease that coats his little body with this fuzz. I quarantined him for like two months and finally healed him (little self pat on the back for me).

And then, well the actual tank and the filter are separated by a rather low wall and this little guy kept jumping over the wall into the filter where I'd spend literally an hour each time trying to fish (hehe, little play with words) him out and rescue him. He did this so many times that The Marshmallow told me just to leave him there until he died and floated to the top. Heartless - where's the Marshmallow now?

So to remedy that, I finally put some pieces of plastic over the top of the filter so that he couldn't jump up there anymore. That worked for a long time - like 6 months! Until yesterday.

I went in there to feed the guys and the little one was missing. No big surprise - last week he got himself stuck behind a rock and AGAIN, I had to save his miserable little life. I went in search of him. I had a bad feeling. I opened up the top and there he was - he had jumped up on top of the plastic and hadn't been able to flip himself down back into the water (something I was sure he'd be able to do should he find himself in that predicament. He was dead.

I'm done. I've lost 3 of 4 fish now not to mention all of the hermit crabs and snails that have come and gone. I'm surrounded in marine DEATH!

Each of those clown fish is like $25! SP wants me to buy another one so that the last one isn't lonely - I think not. I'm not a bank. I'm thinking the whole contraption should find a new home. I'm thinking Craigslist.

Another Week Gone

I'm down to 2 1/2 weeks. This week flew by - wow!

I did what I set down to do last Sunday. My nursery is by all intents and purposes...done. I have a chair that needs re-upholstering and with my friend Kelly's help this Wednesday, that will be done as well. I guess the nursery didn't turn out quite as awesome as I'd hoped but it's done and it will do. I sat in there for about 1/2 hour the night it was done, after SP's lights were out and I was alone. It was quiet and dark in the nursery and I imagined what it will be like to visit that room frequently in the night when I hear a baby cry. I look forward to those quiet moments alone with my second child.

We got back from Duchesne last night after an over-nighter. DH's older sister went through the LDS temple for the first time yesterday and invited me to go with her. It was a wonderful experience. I've never been in the Vernal temple and was amazed at how small but beautiful it is. It was a great session and I'm glad I was able to go.

This morning I meant to go to church but I woke up exhausted and I found that all of my church clothes felt like cinches around me especially my socks and shoes. For one day, I thought, I just can't force myself into these binding clothes! Besides I became even more exhausted with the thought of the meetings. I felt bad but decided I'd just stay home and rest.

I spent my afternoon watching an old movie and stitching patches onto SP's jeans. She is forever a kitty and is on her hands and knees all over the house tearing holes in the knees of her jeans. I cut out cute hearts from DH's old jeans and stitched them over the holes. They were cute even if it took me forever.

Later, I took a series of Photoshop tutorials so I can learn to make my own digital scrapbooking supplies. I learned a ton! I've no idea if I can actually make them work out but I'll try. It could be fun!

Sorry for the blah blah but that's my life, take it or leave it. Have a great week!

Almost Time to Prune Roses

Sometime in mid-February, it is time to prune your roses! You might think this is too early but it's not. After pruning, it's time to start watering them abundantly so that they can get full growth in time to bloom profusely in May. Most types of roses should get cut back to where they're only about 18" - 2' above the ground.

I was once fortunate enough to live close by to a woman who was trained to prune roses by a Master Japanese Gardener. Each spring, she'd come over and supervise my pruning and I had beautiful roses those years and I learned a lot about what to do and what not to do.

I've neglected my roses here at this house badly. I have a lot of them - more than I've ever had and they line my front yard out by the street. I neglected them because they overwhelmed me by how neglected they'd already been for many years. They're more like a rose jungle rather than a rose garden. But I plan to do it this year - at least hope to do it. We'll see what the baby lets me get done whether she's still inside me or out.

There are a lot of good websites and tutorials on how to properly prune your roses to make them look like the beautiful rose bouquet they should resemble. Done right, there's hardly anything prettier when they bloom.

To See Something Amusing Yet Humiliating

go here. And please be kind to me.

We're Making Progress

Another good day:

• laundry: check
• chaotic rooms: check
• clean kitchen: check

Again, got lots of other tasks done including take a snuggly little nap with my favorite 4-year old. I laid down for a few minutes and when I woke up a while later, there she was laying next to me blissfully in dreamland. Nothing better...nothing.

I didn't get anything done in the nursery again today but it's alright considering how much else I was able to do.

Now, I'm sitting here in my clean kitchen that smells like chocolate chip cookies that I made for DH who thinks he's died and gone to heaven every time I make them. Nothing makes him sweeter on me than cookies...go figure. I could say I made them for him for that very reaction but the truth is, obviously...I was craving the sugar. Big surprise.

I'm listening to SP and DH giggle as he gets her ready for bed. There's no better sound, the two of them enjoying each other. There's two people that truly love each other. I'm so lucky to be living under the same roof as them.

Not Long Now

Can I tell you how much I can't wait to start running again? Such a great feeling! I can almost feel my feet on the pavement!

That'll do wonders for my endorphins.

Today's Report

• Laundry - check
• Kitchen clean - check
• Chaotic rooms - check
• Nursery progress - not even a little bit of a check

But I worked today going on about 5 hours of sleep, and did a myriad of other things so I'm not going to beat myself up.

On a very happy note, my DH finally put a real door (as opposed to a stupid pocket door) on the bathroom in my bedroom. The pocket door was so freaking loud that in the middle of the night, unless I wanted to wake him up every single time I am up, I have been having to go down the hallway to use the bathroom which is probably not a huge deal except it's another 10 steps in my delirium and I might wake up SP who will inevitably want to come sleep with us - and that's just out, my friends.

So hello new beautiful door on my bathroom! And thank you DH for finally having mercy on me now that there's only 3 weeks left of this frequent nighttime peeing!

I'm exhausted guys. I am SO totally going lights out at 6:30 pm.

Let's Get Real

Am I a whiner or what? Tons of pregnant women have blogs and you never see them wallowing in self pity. I need to get control of myself!

Today is Sunday and while the sun isn't necessarily shining, I feel better after my purge last night so thank you for your indulgence on my sorry behalf.

I'm so happy today is church, as that is one place I can go and focus on something other than myself. I've said since I started going back to church 3 years ago that it is one of the most peaceful places I go and I'm so lucky I get to go there every single week. I know the "peaceful" part will be ending for a while as I'll have an infant to care for but there's still an element there that I cherish regardless of what hassle I might be dealing with. And SP has always been a dream through the meetings.

I'm going to set a few goals for myself this week as that always helps me change my perspective and help me feel I'm getting back on track.

1) Absolutely finish the nursery - top to bottom including getting all clothes washed, folded and put away

2) Spend 10 minutes in each chaotic room to bring peace back to those spaces

3) Do a full load of laundry every day (DH goes through SO MUCH laundry during the winter)

4) Make sure the kitchen is clean each night before I go to bed

There. Those are easy and shouldn't freak me out too much. Next Sunday I'll let you know how I did.

24 Days and Counting

I'm not the only woman in the world to ever feel as miserable as I do right now. In fact, more women can probably relate to this than I can possibly imagine. And that does not comfort me sadly. I just want this DONE.

I'm finding no joy in anything I do lately. I can't be enthusiastic about anything (except sugar, and we've established that). I'm not sure if I'm falling off my cliff into depression or if I'm just so overwhelmed and stressed out that I've gone numb. Either way, I am devoid of passionate emotions and have lost interest in practically everything.

I've GOT to get that nursery finished though. I think that if the baby came today, she'd at least have a place to sleep and pretty much everything is in there - just a mess, just like every other stinkin' room in this house.

And then there's the financial chaos I'm undergoing right now. I haven't mentioned this before because it stresses me out so much I want to hide under my bed. DH split from the sinking boat that was his former company and has gone out on his own now. It's going okay - okay. But it's a poor economy...and winter and in his line of work, weather means a lot. I'm planning, and have been planning forever to quit my job when the baby comes. Will that be a possibility now? I don't know - and I hate the lack of knowing. Meantime, I'm working as much as humanly possible for being as pregnant as I am, and still having primary caregiving responsibilities for another child. I'm doing my best, and I'm sure it will help but I'm really ready to be done. I'll do what I have to do just and try to feel fortunate that I have the ability to help out right now.

In order to keep myself from slitting my wrists (okay, that was dramatic), I try to do things that I don't want to do. I did some scrapbooking today even though I had no desire. I bought a bookcase and went through all my books remembering how great they all are. I did a church lesson with my daughter and shared in her love of learning. I changed all the sheets on the beds in my house. I spend a few minutes a day in a chaotic room trying to make order. Little things, but they're all I can do. All I want to do.

Will I be even more depressed after the baby? This scares me. My friend Katie remarked that the key is to get out of the house and spend time with adults having good conversation. I know this is true. The hard part is just getting out of the house. I suppose I'll just have to force myself. I'm scared.

Pure Pleasure

I received a bird feeder for Christmas this year from my good friend Kelly. She made it from a gourd and I've been wanting one ever since she started making them about a year ago. She painted it to look like a pear! It's so cute.

As I was looking at the feeder today, I was reminded of James and the Giant Peach. It looks like a HUGE pear hanging from the tree and from a distance, looks quite delicious!

She convinced me to hang it from the tree on a limb right outside my kitchen window so I can watch the birds feed from it all winter. It was a little crazy getting it up that high into the tree (about15' off the ground) but I'm so glad I did. It took about 3 weeks for the birds to warm up to the feeder but the other day I spied my first bird in it and I was so happy! Now, lots of birds regularly flock to the feeder and it bounces and sways all day as birds are in and out of it. I even saw this huge bluejay, about 6 times, attempt unsuccessfully to sit on its ledge and eat from it. I was sort of glad he couldn't so he'd leave the food for the little tiny birds.

Thanks Kelly!

Mindless Chatter

I accidentally took a nap this evening on the couch waiting for SP's bedtime. I woke myself several times by snoring! WTH - I don't snore! I even heard DH tell SP, "Is your mom snoring?" I've been married too long to be mortified - I think I just rolled over (and maybe tooted too), just kidding.

Now, 2 hours later, I'm not tired in the least but sitting here on my bed in as little clothing as I can manage because that's what's comfortable at 35 weeks pregnant, staring at my balloon ankles and feeling hot. And bored.

I don't want to read although I have an excellent book sitting here beside me. I've got several great movies on my computer just waiting to be viewed, and my iPod is stuffed with lots of awesome novels. I could just close my eyes and listen - no effort at all. But no, all I can do is think about sugar.

I want white bread with real butter and sugar - rolled up into a glucose injection. Or brownies. I'd even take a few shots of powdered sugar right now. Or Karo Syrup - YUCK!

I'm thinking about tomorrow and what it will bring. I have 5 Saturdays left of productivity before SHE comes. So much still left to do. Time's flying by. I got a lot done this week already and know I don't have a single day to spare if I hope to have most of what I hope to have done, completed by Feb 18th. I know I should just relax and enjoy the time I have left but my inner freak is freaking out. I remember regretting the lazy days I took prior to SP's birth and how insane my life felt after she came. How I wished I had been more productive and gotten more accomplished because I'm a stress case and can't help it.

Maybe this is my mission on earth - to learn how to not drive myself crazy with high expectations and enjoy the passage of life instead. I think I'll be on earth for a very long time.

Crib's Up

Now that the painting is done in the nursery finally, DH spent part of yesterday putting up our crib. It's lonely right now in that dark room but it will soon be full of all sorts of baby paraphernalia as I bring it up from the storage room.

Today, as I frequently walked down the hall past that room, I'd catch a glimpse of a crib in a room where formerly there was lots of other stuff, and I have to do a double-take. I haven't seen that crib assembled in a room in nearly 3 years!

And to see it set up ready to be used was so surreal, I almost wasn't ready to see it there! I nearly had to close the door for a while until my mind wraps around what's coming so quickly. You'd think I have adjusted by now but I guess I'm still adjusting. Perhaps 9 months gestation is just the right amount of time!

A Little Panicky

We have a ritual around here at night. Most of you with kids probably do. But when the kid bedtime ritual ends, it's me time. Me - just me and either my computer, a movie, a book, my iPod or just bed. The point is, it's all my choice - whatever I choose to do with the remaining hours of the day, it's all mine.

I have 39 of these precious nights left before I make my little "deposit" and a crying infant disrupts nighttime bliss. Does it sound callous? Does it make me seem ungrateful for the desire of my heart? I am so excited for the birth of this kiddo if not just for the sheer relief to have my body back to myself. But I've prayed for this tiny girl for so long and she's almost here.

But let me be human for a moment while I lament saying good-bye for a year or so to consistent, uninterrupted alone time where I am guaranteed to be free from parental obligations for a period of 8 - 10 hours. I'm sure it's not going to be quite that long as I do remember feeling pretty confident in certain schedules by 6 or 7 months but getting to that point can be painful at times.

At least I'm not the attachment parenting type when it could be up to 5 or 6 years before I even get my child to sleep through the night in her own bed. I'd have pulled my hair out long before that ever happens.

Too selfish? Perhaps.

Facebook - The Good & the Bad

You know it's really bad when your belly's so big your laptop doesn't fit ON YOUR LAP anymore. I digress...

Facebook ...

I've been a member for a year or so now and would like to summarize my experiences because they are so varied!

When I first joined, it was a blogger thing. I just wanted another social network device and Facebook seemed like where it was at. No biggie - but soon I realized that people were contacting me - people I knew from long ago. But at first they were just people who contacted me regularly on various social networking engines over the years like classmates.com, hotmail, IM etc.

But then I started getting contacts from other people, some whom I thought had literally dropped off the planet! Some of them I wish had dropped off the planet, others I was astonished that they remembered me, some - just mere acquaintances neither good nor bad, and them some others who I was so genuinely pleased to hear from that I felt like a kid again whenever I read their notes!

And so pretty much everyone falls into one of the above categories. But it's the ones that in the first and last category that have affected me the most. Most of these contacts are from my dreaded high school years and I've discussed those awful years before. Like many people, I had some serious identity and self-esteem issues. Couple those with poignant memories of certain people and it's a deadly combination.

Occasionally I will get in contact with someone who I have a difficult memory of, and the emotional roller coaster I go through for a time is bizarre! Is it better that I never got in contact at all? This has happened several times now! So, this is perhaps the downside of Facebook - having to face demons or memories you'd rather have buried and never deal with again.

On the other hand, I've also found Facebook to be a cleansing, purging experience. A way of reconciling and healing the past over issues you regret. Such an incident happened just today with a friend who I had a falling out with when I was 16 or 17 - over a guy of all things (Scooter was his name - funny). The whole thing is vivid color in my memory - the whole thing and I cringe each time I think of it. But today she said she hardly remembered it and forgave me and wanted to be friends again. There it was - 19 years of guilt and regret gone in an instant over the internet. Don't think I totally dwelled and was stuck on it because I'm an adult and was able to move past it, but I always wondered what would have happened if I hadn't been such a jerk that one time. And it was my fault. Who knows and who cares because now it's over.

That's cool stuff.

The Mom's Food Trick

I'm here. I'm okay. I want to thank all of you who have emailed me to inquire if I'm alright. That was so kind of you. I'm not sure what's wrong with me other than I'm tired, grumpy, and miserable. But...I'm closing in on the big day and that's keeping me going.

The longer I've been away from my blog though, the harder I've found to return so I thought I'd just jump in. So much has happened that I've wanted to share with you but by the time I get around to it each day, I'm so tired I just go to bed.

So my jumping in point is the Mom's Food Trick I finally pulled on my daughter. She is so finicky and refuses to eat even the most benign foods. Tonight I made a fairly basic hamburger stew with potatoes, carrots, celery etc. After it was made, I knew she'd never eat it - she just won't eat those things. So I took several spoonfuls and threw them in the blender and pureed them. Then I poured them into a bowl, added some pieces of hamburger to it and gave it and a roll to her. Problem solved. She loved it - ate it all and had no idea she was actually eating dreaded potatoes and carrots!

There's probably something to that book that Jerry Seinfeld's wife wrote. Maybe I'll go pick it up!